There is a awful lot of giggling going on over here these days. High pitched giggling and text message tones ring out from 6am until waaaaay too late at night. Extremely serious conversations are taking place over Instagram and Facebook. Conference-style calls with multiple girls face-timing in are happening day and night.What is going on, you ask? Are we taking in a group of Syrian refugees? Are we debating the merits of the GOP candidates? Are we discussing the legality of home-based servers for the former Secretary of State?
Oh you silly, silly people! Of COURSE we're not talking about anything like that! This is MUCH more important, pressing and timely....It's HOMECOMING season my Peeps!
These late-night conversations revolve around who is wearing what, short or long, pastels or jewel tones, straps or strapless, closed toe or open toe??? The giggling revolves around the elephant in the room - are we going with a group or with a date? There is a great deal of "Bif told Frenchie who told Frankie who told Sandy who told Rizzo who told Kanickie...that Danny is thinking of asking you to he dance." These conversations are held with the gravity that I imagine was the tone of cold-war era, back room conversations between extremely glamorous spies. This teenage drama is par for the course, and while it amuses me, it doesn't surprise me. After all, it wasn't that long ago that Fifi and I were having these same conversations.
While the cast of characters has changed and the dress styles have evolved, the actual conversations are exactly the same:
"What did he SAY? Who did he say THAT to? Who told you THAT? Well of COURSE SHE would say that - she's a cow. Do you think he's going to ask me? Why hasn't he asked yet? Who cares if he asks me! I hope HE doesn't ask me! He asked WHO? WHY would he ask HER? Oh my God - I knew he was going to ask her! Tell him that if he asks her she will say yes. But don't tell him that I said that. Tell Frenchie that he wants to ask her, but Kanikie is taking Rizzo and Frenchie and Rizzo are fighting and so he doesn't know if he should ask her because he's going to hang out with Rizzo and Kanickie....." and on and on and on.....These are the days of our lives, my peeps.
What has me quite amused and surprised is my husband's reaction to all of this teen intrigue. Apparently he was not aware that teenage girls can engage in such complex machinations. He was SHOCKED last night as he listened to one of these conversations. I actually felt kind of bad for him. He's lived for 43 years thinking that a high school dance was a simple affair. An innocent and pure transaction between boy and girl. Boy screws his courage to the sticking place, asks girl to dance, girl says yes, boy's mother buys corsage, boy puts on a tie and takes girl to the dance. If the evening goes well, it ends with an awkward attempt at a kiss on the mouth and memories are made. End of story. Isn't that adorable!
Poor Shmuck - he had NO idea of the realities of these situations. There is a reason why Beyonce asks us "Who Runs the World?"! GIRLS run the world! And my poor, innocent husband is just beginning to see this. This was our conversation last night as he listened to one of these conversations:
PC: Who is she talking to?
Me: Frenchie
PC: What are they talking about?
Me: (looking at him like he has 4 heads) Um - HOMECOMING, duh
PC: OK - did you just hear her say "Kanickie told me that he is definitely going to ask you - but he told me not to tell you."? So WHY is she telling her??? (Wide-eyed and innocent)
Me: (Laughing) Because Frenchie is her friend and she needs to be prepared
PC: Prepared? for what?
Me: Oh, Frenchie doesn't want to go with Kanickie - she wants to go with Bif. But Bif is thinking about asking Sandy. It's all a rather big mess I'm afraid.
PC: Wait a minute - that poor guy is going to get up the courage to ask Frenchie and what is she going to say?
Me: Well if you would shut up we could have found that out.
PC: Do not tell me that my daughter is counseling Frenchie to turn this boy down! That is HORRIBLE! Do you know how hard it is to ask a girl out to one of these things?
Me: Nope. Can't say that I do. Now be quiet so that I can figure out if Danny asked Laurie yet. Her dress is really slutty...
PC: OH MY GOD - YOU ARE ONE OF THEM!!!
Me: What? One of THEM? What are you talking about?
PC: You are a GIRL!!!
(Now, may I remind all of my loyal readers that this man has not only helped me create 3 children - he also watched them all be born...out of my GIRL parts.)
ME: Huh?
PC: You are as bad as they are! Let me tell you this - if so-and-so does end up asking her, she is saying YES.
Me: Oh - you're a bit behind on your intel, babe. She's really on the fence about going with him now. She kind of wants to go with the girls. AND my mom knows his mom - don't ask - and she isn't crazy about her. So I'm kind of on the fence about it too.
PC: Oh my God - who cares if your mom doesn't like his mom! If he gets the courage to ask she is saying yes and that is FINAL!
Me: OK - you are crazy nutso. Seriously. Crazy. She is NOT saying yes if she doesn't want to go with him. Plus, he's going to hang out with Kanickie all night, and she's not crazy about Kanickie.. just let her work it out. OH - AND Kanickie's date "all of a sudden" decides to wear pink and today at lunch she told Bella that "pink isn't your color". Can you believe that? What a biotch! She KNEW that Bella plans to wear pink to this dance. I'm telling you - that gal is one jealous cow. We are buying the pink-est dress on the Eastern Seaboard this weekend...
PC: It's like the patients are taking over the crazy house here! I won't have it...(now he's walking away) I won't have it...
The man spent the rest of the evening in the basement playing Madden '15 on his PS4. I will argue that this is where he needs to stay until she is off to the senior prom. Poor guy. I had NO idea he is as clueless as he is about how the world works. We have 4 years of high school dances ahead of us. This should be fun!
Oh you silly, silly people! Of COURSE we're not talking about anything like that! This is MUCH more important, pressing and timely....It's HOMECOMING season my Peeps!
These late-night conversations revolve around who is wearing what, short or long, pastels or jewel tones, straps or strapless, closed toe or open toe??? The giggling revolves around the elephant in the room - are we going with a group or with a date? There is a great deal of "Bif told Frenchie who told Frankie who told Sandy who told Rizzo who told Kanickie...that Danny is thinking of asking you to he dance." These conversations are held with the gravity that I imagine was the tone of cold-war era, back room conversations between extremely glamorous spies. This teenage drama is par for the course, and while it amuses me, it doesn't surprise me. After all, it wasn't that long ago that Fifi and I were having these same conversations.
While the cast of characters has changed and the dress styles have evolved, the actual conversations are exactly the same:
"What did he SAY? Who did he say THAT to? Who told you THAT? Well of COURSE SHE would say that - she's a cow. Do you think he's going to ask me? Why hasn't he asked yet? Who cares if he asks me! I hope HE doesn't ask me! He asked WHO? WHY would he ask HER? Oh my God - I knew he was going to ask her! Tell him that if he asks her she will say yes. But don't tell him that I said that. Tell Frenchie that he wants to ask her, but Kanikie is taking Rizzo and Frenchie and Rizzo are fighting and so he doesn't know if he should ask her because he's going to hang out with Rizzo and Kanickie....." and on and on and on.....These are the days of our lives, my peeps.
What has me quite amused and surprised is my husband's reaction to all of this teen intrigue. Apparently he was not aware that teenage girls can engage in such complex machinations. He was SHOCKED last night as he listened to one of these conversations. I actually felt kind of bad for him. He's lived for 43 years thinking that a high school dance was a simple affair. An innocent and pure transaction between boy and girl. Boy screws his courage to the sticking place, asks girl to dance, girl says yes, boy's mother buys corsage, boy puts on a tie and takes girl to the dance. If the evening goes well, it ends with an awkward attempt at a kiss on the mouth and memories are made. End of story. Isn't that adorable!
Poor Shmuck - he had NO idea of the realities of these situations. There is a reason why Beyonce asks us "Who Runs the World?"! GIRLS run the world! And my poor, innocent husband is just beginning to see this. This was our conversation last night as he listened to one of these conversations:
PC: Who is she talking to?
Me: Frenchie
PC: What are they talking about?
Me: (looking at him like he has 4 heads) Um - HOMECOMING, duh
PC: OK - did you just hear her say "Kanickie told me that he is definitely going to ask you - but he told me not to tell you."? So WHY is she telling her??? (Wide-eyed and innocent)
Me: (Laughing) Because Frenchie is her friend and she needs to be prepared
PC: Prepared? for what?
Me: Oh, Frenchie doesn't want to go with Kanickie - she wants to go with Bif. But Bif is thinking about asking Sandy. It's all a rather big mess I'm afraid.
PC: Wait a minute - that poor guy is going to get up the courage to ask Frenchie and what is she going to say?
Me: Well if you would shut up we could have found that out.
PC: Do not tell me that my daughter is counseling Frenchie to turn this boy down! That is HORRIBLE! Do you know how hard it is to ask a girl out to one of these things?
Me: Nope. Can't say that I do. Now be quiet so that I can figure out if Danny asked Laurie yet. Her dress is really slutty...
PC: OH MY GOD - YOU ARE ONE OF THEM!!!
Me: What? One of THEM? What are you talking about?
PC: You are a GIRL!!!
(Now, may I remind all of my loyal readers that this man has not only helped me create 3 children - he also watched them all be born...out of my GIRL parts.)
ME: Huh?
PC: You are as bad as they are! Let me tell you this - if so-and-so does end up asking her, she is saying YES.
Me: Oh - you're a bit behind on your intel, babe. She's really on the fence about going with him now. She kind of wants to go with the girls. AND my mom knows his mom - don't ask - and she isn't crazy about her. So I'm kind of on the fence about it too.
PC: Oh my God - who cares if your mom doesn't like his mom! If he gets the courage to ask she is saying yes and that is FINAL!
Me: OK - you are crazy nutso. Seriously. Crazy. She is NOT saying yes if she doesn't want to go with him. Plus, he's going to hang out with Kanickie all night, and she's not crazy about Kanickie.. just let her work it out. OH - AND Kanickie's date "all of a sudden" decides to wear pink and today at lunch she told Bella that "pink isn't your color". Can you believe that? What a biotch! She KNEW that Bella plans to wear pink to this dance. I'm telling you - that gal is one jealous cow. We are buying the pink-est dress on the Eastern Seaboard this weekend...
PC: It's like the patients are taking over the crazy house here! I won't have it...(now he's walking away) I won't have it...
The man spent the rest of the evening in the basement playing Madden '15 on his PS4. I will argue that this is where he needs to stay until she is off to the senior prom. Poor guy. I had NO idea he is as clueless as he is about how the world works. We have 4 years of high school dances ahead of us. This should be fun!
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