Hello Heating Pad.....

Hi Peeps! Well - Busy Momma is STILL at it. I am continuing my quest for fitness perfection. A few posts back, I shared that I am following Dr. Pam Peeke's "Body for Life for Women" program -and I'm doing pretty well! I am losing weight - SLOWLY - but it is coming off. AND for those of you who really know me - SLOW - is NOT my pace of choice. I'd really like the 60 pounds to disappear tonight! But I am trying to tell myself that this is a process and that slow and steady wins the race. I am trying to focus on fitness and health - and not on "skinny". You know - trying to be MATURE about this. AND as I am FIRMLY in the throws of PERI MENOPAUSE - that's right - PERI FREAKING MENOPAUSE at my very YOUNG age...MATURE seems to be my only choice.

So - I've been going to the gym for the past few weeks - still can't run on the treadmill. Hip hurts! So - I am beginning to think - why am I so focused on running anyway? I am using the elliptical and the bike- and I'm doing ok. I am really focusing on strength training - because I read that your body STILL burns fat for 24 hours AFTER you work out! How cool is that? But I have been VERY curious about a certain class that my gym offers - Zumba.

For those of you who don't know - Zumba is a dance/fitness class. It blends Latin, Carribean and African rhythms and it's marketed as a "party" - not a workout. Perfect for me - right? But here's the thing - while I like to THINK that I am a great dancer - I'm really not. I USED to be a pretty good dancer, but not so much any more. I think the Peri Menopause is affecting the dancing Mo-Jo. (I will now be blaming my peri-menopause for every flaw I have. If I have to have it - I'm gonna use it.) So, you can understand why I am a bit hesitant about going into a dance studio with a group of other, younger gals who can really shake what their Mommas gave 'em without looking like they need immediate medical attention. So I've watched, but I haven't gotten up the courage to join.

Which is why I was THRILLED when I saw an offer for a set of Zumba DVDs on QVC! A Zumba class in your living room? Sign me up! Don't you know I ordered them up and waited with bated breath for them to arrive. And arrive they did!  And today I broke them out of the box and started my Zumba "party".

Hmmm. First of all - "party" isn't really the right word - unless you normally go to parties that cause sweat to drip off of every part of your body. I don't usually leave a party dripping....anymore. Now, to be fair - the first DVD is just a "learning" type of DVD. So today I "learned" the steps. And by "learned" I mean I followed along pretty well without seriously injuring myself. But the learning DVD was HARD! I can see why and how people really drop serious weight with Zumba...if they survive! I DO have a heating pad wrapped around myself as I type this post. I can already tell that I'm going to be pretty sore tomorrow. But It was kind of fun. More enjoyable than walking on the treadmill or "running" on the elliptical. So I am going to stick with it.

So - without further ado - I will describe my "Learn how to Zumba" experience. The first thing they teach you is the Meringe step  - I am probably spelling it wrong - so don't get your panties in a wad Grammar Nerd - it's the step that they taught all of the old people in "Dirty Dancing". So I was pretty comfortable with it. I mean if 80 year olds can learn this in the Catskills every summer - I can probably do it. And then they taught us all sorts of variations on it - and I must say I did really well. Then it got a bit harder...and harder and harder! Let's just say that when they got to Latin Hip-Hop - the phrase "What the HELL is THAT?" crossed my lips more than a few times. But to be fair - the teachers really break the moves down into simple steps that I could understand. And they start REALLY slow. Like turtle slow - which is good for me.

It's when they add the arms that I get all messed up. I am not all that coordinated - I'm actually kind of spaztic and uncoordinated. So while I am dancing and shaking my booty and telling myself that I look like Shakira or Kee$ha - I really look like one of those dancing hippos in Fantasia.  Or a person having a grand mal seizure while standing upright and trying to shake her ass, shimmy her hips and move her arms in the opposite direction...and cursing every 5 or 6 seconds. In other words- adding arm movements just makes it really, really comical. So comical in fact that PC can't really watch without laughing...and therefore endangering his life. So he doesn't watch.

Bella wants to try it with me - but I decided today that it's not going to happen. Bella CAN shake what I gave her. She's a really good dancer...bordering on stripper good.  (PC isn't so thrilled about that!) So I really don't think I can handle having my 11-year old laugh at me while we Zumba. Or shall I say while SHE Zumbas and I kind of follow along in a Zombie-like way. I will allow her to Zumba - but she's on her own. My fragile ego cannot handle watching her shake her boom-boom. Perhaps I will allow her to Zumba tonight after I take my 800 mg of Advil and heat my pad up and plop it on my sore body.....

...Then Comes Snookie in a Baby Carriage!

Hi Peeps! Well, it seems that as soon as Spring sprung - Old Man Winter said "Hey wait a minute - I need a swan song!" It's cold out there today. I hope everyone had a great week. My week was INSANE - more insane than usual. Too much travel this week led to a revalation of sorts. Apparently, I was the only person on the planet who was not aware of the latest celebrity about to sport a baby bump. It seems that Snookie - the little Oompa-Lumpa like girl from the show "The Jersey Shore"- is expecting a baby. I was sitting, eating breakfast in the lovely Milford, DE Hampton Inn one morning this week when the overly-made up early morning anchor of Headline News made this announcement. Or shall I say - confirmed this rumor. I wasn't even aware that this WAS a rumor - never mind a proven fact!

I must confess - I have NEVER seen an episode of the show she is on. I HAVE seen the cast members on various talk shows - and quite frankly - that has been MORE than enough exposure to this motley crew of "Jersey" kids. From what I understand - many of them are not even from Jersey. (This information is from my dad - the source of all New Jersey celebrity gossip.) My first introduction to Snookie was when she was on the Regis and Kelly show a few years back explaining what a "guido" is and why she will only date a "guido". I remember being blown away, because as a native Jersey girl, I recall the word "guido" being somewhat of a cultural slur! We would NEVER have dated a guido back in the day...although I do remember dating a boy who used way too much Drakaar Noir...but that was only 1 of the official characteristics of a "guido" back then, and meeting one of the criteria did not make one a full-fledged guido. So I dated him. He had a nice car.

Anyway - I digress.  Then, I remember watching Joy Behar make fun of this girl named "Snookie" on The View because she was "writing a book". I remember Joy Behar exclaiming that if one had never READ a book - as Snookie claimed - how on earth could one WRITE a book? Interesting. And then - my funniest Snookie experience involved my husband. PC was at Happy Hour with the members of his team. They had wrapped up a project and he decided to take his team out to celebrate. So, you can imagine my surprise when he calls me, and is whisper/yelling into the phone: "What is a Snookie?" Picture this - PC, in the quietest corner of a DC bar, calling ME to ask me what a "Snookie" is. When I asked him why on earth he needed this information NOW - his reply was priceless:

"The kids are all talking about it and I have NO idea WHAT it is! Is it a new drink? Is it a sexual position? A line-dance? Seriously - What the hell is it?"

Now I have seen all of the footage of this very short, orange gal falling out of hammocks and chairs and decks and beds and making a general drunken fool of herself on Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight and all of the other gossip shows. This seems to be her "bit" - her special talent. So, this is why the news of a pregnancy is a bit shocking. One would have thought that she could have squeezed another year or two out of that act before she came up with a new one. Did it have to be motherhood? I mean - motherhood isn't an easy identity to shed when one needs to recreate ones self in the public eye. That kid is pretty much attached to you for the rest of your life. One would question whether this little lady really thought this through.

And what about her reality show deal? I mean, yes, I guess some people find it entertaining to watch Snookie and crew go out and get drunk - every day. But, that life is pretty much over for Snookie for at least a year or two. So what happens now? I understand that she has a new show with someone named "JWOW"? I wonder if people will still find a sober Snookie entertaining as she complains of morning sickness, swollen feet, leg cramps, heartburn and all of the other joys of pregnancy. I'm sure her entire labor and delivery will be filmed and as hyped-up as a Kardashian wedding. But once the baby comes and is no longer a little orange novelty - what then? Will people still watch? Will people want to watch Snookie getting up every 2 hours to breastfeed? Will people be watching to see how Snookie reacts to the first big diaper blow-out? Will people be riveted to the screen to see if little Snook-ette has a bad reaction to her first set of shots? Will she have the shrill cry reaction to her Pertussis vaccine? Tune in Tuesday night for a haunting 2- hour episode...

Perhaps.

Does anyone think about the child she is bringing into this world? I saw that her ex-boyfriend said some REALLY nasty things about her and wished a miscarriage on her. Ouch. One might wish testicular cancer right back at him...not me of course - but someone. I hope, I really, truly hope that this Snookie gets her act together and uses the next 6 months to learn about baby and childcare. I hope that she matures a bit and readies herself for the joys of motherhood. I hope someone in her life sits her down and explains that this baby is a real, live person that she is bringing into the world and that she will be responsible for the quality of life this person has. That this person really should NOT be used a prop for a reality show carreer. That babies really shouldn't be used to burgeon one's TV career as it begins to sputter and die. That now Snookie and her needs and her wants need to come AFTER baby's needs and wants. 

Now if THAT was a reality show - Snookie Rehab - I might watch. Heck - I might even star in it! Let Snookie move in with Busy Momma, PC, Jack, Bella and Jake the dog. Let Busy Momma have a nice, daily Come-to-Jesus with her. Watch as Busy Momma teaches Snookie how to make baby food, how to grocery shop for more than pretzels and beer. Watch as Busy Momma teaches Snookie how to do 12 loads of laundry. The season finale could be a doozy: Watch a special 2-hour episode as Busy Momma and Crew all go down with the stomach flu and SNOOKIE has to take care of them all - and clean up after them!

Talk about reality tv!

Chewie - the Destructive Dog...A Busy-Momma Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young-ish maiden. Eyes the color of emeralds, flecked with gold,  chemically enhanced hair the color of Adele's latest do and lips - well, lips the color of whatever lipgloss she found at the bottom of her handbag. And while this beautiful, somewhat -still -youthful maiden had a wonderful husband - a real-life Prince Charming - and 2 beautiful, wonderful kids who always did precisely what she wanted them to do, never fought and NEVER EVER complained about anything she served for dinner, (this IS a Fairy Tale, Peeps) she couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing from her very full and over-scheduled life.

You see, our fair, young maiden was sad. She had lost her beloved and trusty sidekick, the canine Princess Dixie, at the end of the summer and she just couldn't get used to life without her faithful companion by her side. (and under her feet, and under her desk and underneath her downward-facing dog pose....) The beautiful, chemically enhanced maiden often found herself gazing longingly at other maidens walking their dogs. She daydreamed about walking a dog along the trails by her home and EVEN considered BUYING a puppy - a BIG No-No in Prince Charming's home. He believed in rescuing abandoned dogs - not BUYING "designer" dogs. However, her sadness was so pervasive, that she convinced her Prince to attempt to bid on a "designer" puppy at a charity auction and ball, but alas...the Prince was outbid. And the maiden was very, very sad about that. So sad, in fact, that she ignored the Prince for the rest of the evening and sat and stewed like the spoiled little Princess she had become.

On their way home from the ball, the Prince explained to the maiden/spoiled princess that while he would have liked to win the puppy at auction, unless it pooped little golden turds, there was no way in heck that he was going to spend that kind of money on a dog. AND the young prince and princess would one day want to attend college, and it would be pretty sad to have to tell them that Mommy spent their college nest egg on a dog that, in fact, did NOT poop golden turds.

So, it was decided that the fair maiden would begin to search for the perfect pooch to fill the Dixie-shaped hole in her heart. The maiden knew that this would be an epic challenge, because as everyone in the land already knew, the canine Princess Dixie, was the BEST dog in all the land, and there would NEVER, EVER be ANY dog to replace her. But the maiden hoped that perhaps she might one day find a dog in the kingdom that would make her happy again.

Our fair maiden searched high and low looking for just the right canine companion - and one day she found him. She travelled to the far off kingdom of Delaware and there, waiting for her was Jake - the wonder dog. He was black as coal, with a soft, downy white cross on his chest and a sprinkling of white on his nose and one paw. He was perfect and it was love at first sight. Our maiden took him in her arms and didn't let go for 2 whole days. And Jake the wonder dog grew and grew and grew under the loving gaze of the maiden, Prince Charming and the young Prince and Princess. Everyone who met him fell in love with him. Jake picked up on his house training pretty quickly and the fair maiden became convinced that he was not only an adorable companion, but brilliant as well. Jake became very attached to the young prince, who would play with him every day until the pup collapsed on the floor in a heap of happy exhaustion. Life was good in the castle.

But, as we all know, every good fairy tale has a twist - something always happens to threaten the happiness of the fair maiden - and our tale is no different. Our fair and voluptuous maiden began to worry about her pooch when he began to express an exuberance of interest in her Ugg boots and slippers. He seemed to find them quite delicious. And then, he began to develop a taste for expensive, Italian leather pumps. Sadly, he also began to find her Lindsay Phillips flats to be very tasty treats. This greatly distressed the fair maiden, because you see while she loved her pooch with all of her heart - she REALLY LOVED her shoes. But, as any good mother does, she found a solution to her problem - namely putting her shoes immediately away in their obsessively labeled plastic boxes instead of kicking them off at the front door and leaving them there for days.

Imagine this gorgeous maiden's HORROR when she returned home from a business trip to find that her beloved poochie pie had ALSO found a solution to HIS problem - his teething problem.

He had decided to chew EVERYTHING he could find...EXCEPT his CHEW TOYS! Now, be assured - he had every chew toy known to man and dog, Kongs, Nyla Bones, bacon flavored chews, peanut butter flavored chews - even BULL PENIS chews! But alas, he seemed to have been put under an evil spell, and was ONLY interested in chewing on the furniture,the tv remotes, vintage GI Joe and Star Wars action figures, Monster High and American Girl dolls and the fair and beautiful maiden's REALLY EXPENSIVE baskets.

And to make matters worse, he seemed to LOVE the taste of every "stop-chewing-my-shit "spray the fair maiden tried. What was the poor, gorgeous maiden to do? What would become of Jake - the Wonder Dog? (Now known as Chewie - the Dog of Destruction) Would he have to be muzzled until his big-boy teeth grew in? Would the fair maiden ever be able to curb his destructive ways and break the evil spell? Check back for the rest of this tale...in about 4 months...to see if our beautiful, young-ish maiden is able to turn Chewie back into Jake, the Wonder Dog....

Here We Go Again!

Well hey there Peeps! It's been a while. How is everyone? Enjoying this crazy early spring we're having? I wish I could say that we are - but we're not. Bella, PC and Jack are all under the weather. They have been sick an awful lot this winter - I think it's because it's been too warm to kill the germs. (Just call me Dr. Oz) I am hanging in there - although I have been feeling rather run down lately. Oh well - Keep Calm and Carry on - isn't that my motto?

So - waaay back in January - I posted some "resolutions" or things I needed to work on. And one of those resolutions was to indulge in some BADLY needed Momma Care. So, I have been doing some research, and I decided to start the Body for Life for Women plan based on Dr. Pamela Peeke's book of the same title. I have read the book from cover-to-cover and she makes so much sense. She spends A LOT of time focusing on the mind part of this process for women. She says that women are so busy taking care of everyone else in their lives, that self-care often falls by the wayside. Well - DUH! It's so true. So, she goes through these "Mind Principles" where you really focus in on what really is motivating you to remove weight, excercise and get fitter and healthier. And then you use that motivation to keep at it! That's the hardest part for me. I'm great at STARTING these things...but not so hot at finishing them! And it's frustrating - because I am such a type-A perfectionist in many other areas of my life - especially career and kids. So, I think I tend to let this area go because of everything else on my plate. I also let it fall by the wayside because it requires A LOT from me - and all of it is stuff that I don't like to do!

I have lived in this body for 39 years and I have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager. The one thing that I know - without a doubt - is that I HAVE TO excercise to remove weight. And I HATE to excercise. I really hate it. I would rather work, clean, cook, fold laundry...anything - even go to the dentist, than excercise. But dieting alone does NOTHING for me. In fact - I have been known to start Weight Watchers and GAIN weight. Seriously. So excercise is the key for me. Which is very unfortunate. But I am approaching the dreaded 4-0...and I cannot enter my forties in this condition - I can't. First and foremost because it's even HARDER to remove weight after 40 - so that sucks. Secondly, the last few times I have been to the doctor, my blood pressure has been elevated a bit. Not crazy high, or really "high" - but elevated for me. And that kind of scares me. Now that we know that diabeties runs in my family ON TOP of FEMALE heart disease - I really owe it to my family to get healthier.  And lastly - because I would love to have more energy and vitality and have people say things like "You're 40? No way! You look great!"

Yes - I am that shallow.

And I KNOW that I can do it - I've done it before! I wore a bikini on my honeymoon. In front of other people - not just PC. I lost a great deal of weight and reshaped my body after Will was born and I looked REALLY great. But then life crept up on me, I went back to work and the pounds just started to pile on.

So, here we go again. Back to the gym, back to the treadmill, the bike, the Precor, the weights and back to my dreaded weighted squats. Joy. Finding the time to fit this all in is going to be the biggest challenge. As much as I would like to say that I will get up at 5:30 every day to do this - I just can't! (I know - I can - but I am choosing not to.) Yet - if I have to get up that early for WORK - I'm out of the bed with the alarm! What is that all about? Whining, bitching and moaning are strickly forbidden on this plan. So I have a feeling that I will be seeing the gym very early some days. I have to find a way to fool myself into thinking that getting up that early is neccessary - like I could die if I don't. Which, theoretically - I could if I keep doing the nothing that I have been doing.

Maybe I will tell myself that there are yummy cupcakes waiting for me at the gym.

Ok - that's just plain screwed up.

So far, I've already lost 1 pound in 2 days of doing this, and my goal is 2 pounds per week. I am trying to be positive and tell myself that is real weight - not just water weight. Pounds are pounds and as long as they stay off - I don't care if they are water, diet coke, cupcakes, Oreos or chips. I just want them gone!

Oh, and did I mention that in yet ANOTHER fit of CRAZY - I signed on to run the Seawitch 5K AGAIN with Sookie? She got me when I was weak and vulnerable - but she got me. So there's that to train for. Yulk.
I mean - GREAT! Wowie, wow wow! I can't WAIT to begin that torture, I mean super-fun training schedule again!

Jesus...I need a cupcake.....I mean a grape...