So, the other night I was awoken from a lovely, delicious slumber by the sound every parent dreads.
No, not the nauseating sounds of Justin Beiber's latest ditty -I was awoken by a cry in the night. And not just a cry - a shrill, screaming "Mommmmmmmmmmyyyyyyy" accompanied by shrieking, wailing and moaning. So, like any other mother, I FLEW out of bed, into Jack's room and up the ladder to his loft bed. Thankfully, there was no vomit. (Usually, in my house, that level of night-time hysterics is accomanied by a bed full of last night's dinner. But not this time. ) Apparently, Jack was in the midst of a terrible dream that seemed to have involved an alligator, a dinosaur AND a lion - all hungry and craving a "Jack sandwich". So, I did some rocking and some singing and some back-rubbing and all was well.
And as I trudged back to bed - a bed that contained a snoring, undisturbed PC - I started wondering how many other Mommies were doing the exact same thing - at the exact same moment. I wondered how many of us were awake, soothing a teething baby, trying to get a fever down, spraying "monster away" spray under beds and into closets or trying to extricate a tiny tooth from under a pillow and replace it with a bill all while remaining silent and not disturbing the sleeping toothless wonder.
And as I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling fan, because now I was totally awake, I started to think about how we Mommies are real-life super-heroes. Sure, Sly Stallone and Bruce Willis can play the ROLE of a big, strong super-hero....with the help of a special effects team and make-up artisits. But we Mommies are the real deal. Don't agree with me? Well, consider these lesser-known, but vitally important heroes - and then tell me that Mommies aren't Honest-to-Goodness heroes:
1. Captain Comet and her identical twin Lady Lysol : Captain Comet and Lady Lysol are the daring duo who manage to clean the toilet, floor and sink that the entire family threw up into for the past 48 hours while the stomach flu was raging through the household. Without this brave twosome, the entire family would continue to reinfect each other with nastiness for days on end. Keep in mind, that while cleaning and disinfecting - these two are also under the weather, but their motto is" A Mom's gotta do what a Mom's gotta do." Also keep in mind that Captain Comet/Lady Lysol's life partner - let's call him Whining Baby-Face - is in bed with slight nausea while Captain Comet is cleaning with a 101 degree fever......
2. Homework Girl: Homework Girl is the hero who always remembers to check everyone's assignment pad and every teacher's website to ensure that all members of the household are prepared and organized for the week. Homework girl averts dangerous situations - like child A remembering that she has a Social Studies test today while on the way to school....or child B remembering that his volcano project is due tomorrow - at 10 pm. Homework Girl also makes sure that there are copious amounts of sharpened pencils, glue sticks and loose leaf paper available in the house at all times. Homework Girl can often be found hunched over a semi-destroyed "Ancient Civilizations" poster, solar-system model missing a few planets or a half-crushed "Life in a Woodland Indian Village" diorama, breathing life back into it.
3. Dinner Diva: The Dinner Diva is the hero who makes sure that a hot, healthy meal appears on the table EVERY night at 6 o'clock...regardless if she is there to share it. The Dinner Diva can often be found in the kitchen late, late at night chopping veggies and carmelizing a pot roast before she puts it into the crock-pot for the next night's dinner. The Dinner Diva has also been spotted making dinner at 9am, wrapping and refridgerating it while leaving meticulous reheating instructions for her helper -The Reheating Raptor.
4. The Fish-Fixer: This is a very special brand of super-hero. This is the woman, who sees nothing wrong with walking into PetSmart with a dead Japanese Fighting Fish in a Ziplock baggie so that she can find it's EXACT twin and replace it before her four-year old discovers that "Mo", his beloved fishie, has gone to the great fishbowl in the sky.
5. The Dream-Weaver: the Dream Weaver is the hero who can "fix" a bad dream. This is the hero who sleeps on the floor next to a screaming child who INSISTS that green monkeys are coming to get her and feed her to their master - The Lion-Headed Mushy-Man. During the day, the Dream Weaver can often be found in the drive-thru line at Dunkin Doughnuts ordering 3 large coffees so that she can fulfill the rest of her daytime duties. The Dream-Weaver carries a unique Tool-Kit. In this magical kit, one can find "Monster-Away" spray...that smells amazingly like the body spray her mother-in-Law gave her last year for Mother's Day, "The Dream Sucker" that sucks the bad dreams right out of your head via your ears. While this device looks amazingly like the nasal aspirator that came with a baby first aid kit - be warned - it is not. It is a very specialized piece of equiptment and can ONLY be operated by THE DREAM WEAVER.
6. Tantrum Tamer: This one is self-explanatory
7. Captain Cash - Captain Cash is truly amazing. She can make $100.00 last for 10 days until Mom or Dad gets paid. She can stretch that $100.00 so that it can feed the family for 2 weeks, pay for a Girl Scout trip AND make a classmate very happy with a nice birthday gift. Captain Cash is truly amazing.
And I'm sure I have left a few heroes off of this list. But you get the idea.... While the above mentioned heroes might not have embellished capes, shiny, thigh-high boots (Thank God!) or cool cars that fly and turn into submarines - they are heroes none-the-less. If you don't believe me - just try living WITHOUT them and see how well you do!
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