Welcome to One Busy Momma! The Blog for Busy Moms by one Busy Mom.....

Welcome to my blog. One Busy Momma is my space to rant about my life and the things that happen in it. I have a crazy life - and instead of focusing on the crazy - I like to focus on the funny. Because if I focused on the craziness - well, I'd have been shipped off to an institution long, long ago. And while, I'll admit, there are some days when being institutionalized sounds PRETTY GOOD compared to making ANOTHER diorama at 1am - I'd rather be right where I am - in my messy house with my not so perfect kids making crooked dioramas in the middle of the night.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Unions? I Don't Need No Stinkin' Union....

OK - so unless you've been living under a rock lately, you've seen what's going on in Wisconsin between the newly-elected Governor and the Teachers' Union. Big, bad stuff - bad, bad stuff - the stuff that will either make his career or ruin him politically for the rest of his life. That remains to be seen. But this whole debate started me thinking - wouldn't it be nice if Moms had a powerful union? I mean really - no one works harder for less economic benefit than mommies. (Unless you are Justin Beiber or Miley Cyrus's mommy - those biotches gave birth to their 401Ks) I mean we work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week - have no sick leave, no collective bargaining rights, no representation anywhere, are not paid a fair wage - we're not paid ANY wage...I mean come on! It's about time we organized and enjoyed the same perks other workers have!

So, I am proposing a union for us called: M.O.M.: Mothers Organized for More

More of what you ask? Well - more of everything! I mean think about it - without US, how would ANYTHING EVER get done? Children would be running around in dirty, ill fitting clothing - some would probably go naked - and they would all smell AWFUL as they would never bathe. No one would do homework, projects or reports properly, our children and their caretakers would eat frozen pizza and nachos for every meal. No one would realize that the kids' bellies hurt because they hadn't pooped in weeks - and the Emergency Rooms would be overrun with gassy, bloated people. In short, we would become a nation of very smelly, dirty, undernourished, obese, constipated people. Society would crumble. Mark my words - it would. So, I am proposing a few changes to the status quo, if you will, to make our lives a little more enjoyable - and to level the playing field.

Here are some of my ideas for making our lives just a wee bit easier....

1. All union members would have 4 weeks of MANDATORY vacation. This vacation would be funded by tax payer monies - because one thing I am certain of - every tax payer HAS or HAD a mother - and regardless if they loved or hated her - she gave them life and for that a debt of gratitude is owed. So pay up Suckas! The union members would be relieved by a cadre of wonderful, Mary Poppins-esque nannies and housekeepers - who are not physically attractive in any way - but will clean the house like it's never been cleaned before AND address any "hot button" issues with the children - like potty training and fresh mouths - while the mommy is relaxing on her mandatory vacay.
2. All union members would have a government-funded pension. This pension would make up for the 401K the member would have had had she stayed in the workforce. Even if the union member "enjoys" a full-time job with a pension or 401K - she will still be entitled to this pension because as everyone knows - once we have children and become union members - we are paid less, respected less, and more is expected of us in the workplace. Many of us leave the workforce for a period of time only to return working for supervisiors who are younger than us and are threatened by our professional and worldly experience - or work for supervisors who didn't make the same career sacrifice and resent us for the time we spent at home with our children. Either way - for most working moms - we pay the price one way or the other.
3. All liqour stores would be required to provide 1 free bottle of good wine per week to every card carrying member of the union. The wine, as many of us realize, provides important mental health and stability. It is for the mental and physical well being of our members.
4. All card carrying members would be entitled to certain medical services free of charge. These services include: boob jobs, liposuction, tummy tucks, skin resurfacing, microderm abrasion, tanning, whole body wraps, massages...basically any and all medical and cosmetic procedures that will help return your body to the state it was pre-union membership.
5. All members would have a professional cleaning service come in and clean their home once a month. It is not the union member's fault that she lives with a group of filthy and disorganized piggies. Therefore - she should not be expected to continually pick up after them.  A professional service will do the "heavy" cleaning and then the filthy piggies can certainly be trained to do the minimum for the rest of the month.
6. Any time that the union member logs in the gym trying to work her body back into pre-motherhood shape will be rewarded with an equal amount of time at the spa of her choice receiving the services of her choice. These spa services will be paid for by the father of the babies. This will happen via a mandatory auto-debit from his paycheck so there are no misunderstandings.

Now, I'm sure that my loyal readers can think of MANY more benefits the union could provide. This is just a starting point. I'm just spit-balling ideas here. Ok, OK - I'm dreaming - I know it!

But darn it all - we really do DESERVE this union because we all know that this union will never, ever materialize. And yet - not one of us would walk out on our "job" as Mommy because we can't have a cleaning lady, or a massage, or a boob job. And not one of us would ever think of NOT becoming a member of the Mommy club because these "benefits" are not available. Of course...no one tells you what breastfeeding really does to your boobs BEFORE you breast feed, and no one talks about how you'll never be able to do a jumping jack without wetting yourself a bit after you've had 2 or more kids BEFORE you have them. Even so - I know that even knowing what I know now about your body after baby - I'd do it all again! And so would the rest of you...... As for M.O.M. - maybe one day........

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