Welcome to One Busy Momma! The Blog for Busy Moms by one Busy Mom.....

Welcome to my blog. One Busy Momma is my space to rant about my life and the things that happen in it. I have a crazy life - and instead of focusing on the crazy - I like to focus on the funny. Because if I focused on the craziness - well, I'd have been shipped off to an institution long, long ago. And while, I'll admit, there are some days when being institutionalized sounds PRETTY GOOD compared to making ANOTHER diorama at 1am - I'd rather be right where I am - in my messy house with my not so perfect kids making crooked dioramas in the middle of the night.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Chewie - the Destructive Dog...A Busy-Momma Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young-ish maiden. Eyes the color of emeralds, flecked with gold,  chemically enhanced hair the color of Adele's latest do and lips - well, lips the color of whatever lipgloss she found at the bottom of her handbag. And while this beautiful, somewhat -still -youthful maiden had a wonderful husband - a real-life Prince Charming - and 2 beautiful, wonderful kids who always did precisely what she wanted them to do, never fought and NEVER EVER complained about anything she served for dinner, (this IS a Fairy Tale, Peeps) she couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing from her very full and over-scheduled life.

You see, our fair, young maiden was sad. She had lost her beloved and trusty sidekick, the canine Princess Dixie, at the end of the summer and she just couldn't get used to life without her faithful companion by her side. (and under her feet, and under her desk and underneath her downward-facing dog pose....) The beautiful, chemically enhanced maiden often found herself gazing longingly at other maidens walking their dogs. She daydreamed about walking a dog along the trails by her home and EVEN considered BUYING a puppy - a BIG No-No in Prince Charming's home. He believed in rescuing abandoned dogs - not BUYING "designer" dogs. However, her sadness was so pervasive, that she convinced her Prince to attempt to bid on a "designer" puppy at a charity auction and ball, but alas...the Prince was outbid. And the maiden was very, very sad about that. So sad, in fact, that she ignored the Prince for the rest of the evening and sat and stewed like the spoiled little Princess she had become.

On their way home from the ball, the Prince explained to the maiden/spoiled princess that while he would have liked to win the puppy at auction, unless it pooped little golden turds, there was no way in heck that he was going to spend that kind of money on a dog. AND the young prince and princess would one day want to attend college, and it would be pretty sad to have to tell them that Mommy spent their college nest egg on a dog that, in fact, did NOT poop golden turds.

So, it was decided that the fair maiden would begin to search for the perfect pooch to fill the Dixie-shaped hole in her heart. The maiden knew that this would be an epic challenge, because as everyone in the land already knew, the canine Princess Dixie, was the BEST dog in all the land, and there would NEVER, EVER be ANY dog to replace her. But the maiden hoped that perhaps she might one day find a dog in the kingdom that would make her happy again.

Our fair maiden searched high and low looking for just the right canine companion - and one day she found him. She travelled to the far off kingdom of Delaware and there, waiting for her was Jake - the wonder dog. He was black as coal, with a soft, downy white cross on his chest and a sprinkling of white on his nose and one paw. He was perfect and it was love at first sight. Our maiden took him in her arms and didn't let go for 2 whole days. And Jake the wonder dog grew and grew and grew under the loving gaze of the maiden, Prince Charming and the young Prince and Princess. Everyone who met him fell in love with him. Jake picked up on his house training pretty quickly and the fair maiden became convinced that he was not only an adorable companion, but brilliant as well. Jake became very attached to the young prince, who would play with him every day until the pup collapsed on the floor in a heap of happy exhaustion. Life was good in the castle.

But, as we all know, every good fairy tale has a twist - something always happens to threaten the happiness of the fair maiden - and our tale is no different. Our fair and voluptuous maiden began to worry about her pooch when he began to express an exuberance of interest in her Ugg boots and slippers. He seemed to find them quite delicious. And then, he began to develop a taste for expensive, Italian leather pumps. Sadly, he also began to find her Lindsay Phillips flats to be very tasty treats. This greatly distressed the fair maiden, because you see while she loved her pooch with all of her heart - she REALLY LOVED her shoes. But, as any good mother does, she found a solution to her problem - namely putting her shoes immediately away in their obsessively labeled plastic boxes instead of kicking them off at the front door and leaving them there for days.

Imagine this gorgeous maiden's HORROR when she returned home from a business trip to find that her beloved poochie pie had ALSO found a solution to HIS problem - his teething problem.
He had decided to chew EVERYTHING he could find...EXCEPT his CHEW TOYS! Now, be assured - he had every chew toy known to man and dog, Kongs, Nyla Bones, bacon flavored chews, peanut butter flavored chews - even BULL PENIS chews! But alas, he seemed to have been put under an evil spell, and was ONLY interested in chewing on the furniture,the tv remotes, vintage GI Joe and Star Wars action figures, Monster High and American Girl dolls and the fair and beautiful maiden's REALLY EXPENSIVE baskets.
And to make matters worse, he seemed to LOVE the taste of every "stop-chewing-my-shit "spray the fair maiden tried. What was the poor, gorgeous maiden to do? What would become of Jake - the Wonder Dog? (Now known as Chewie - the Dog of Destruction) Would he have to be muzzled until his big-boy teeth grew in? Would the fair maiden ever be able to curb his destructive ways and break the evil spell? Check back for the rest of this tale...in about 4 months...to see if our beautiful, young-ish maiden is able to turn Chewie back into Jake, the Wonder Dog....

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