And the Winner is......

ME!!! And not me... Let me explain...

In what will go down in the history of my life as the most UN-FREAKING Believable UNFAIR "ALMOST" EVER - I did NOT win the Mega Millions Saturday night. And many of you are saying: "Well so what, Lady? Neither did I." And that is correct. But I really, truly ALMOST won! I came so, so, so very close, I could almost smell all of that money. How so, you ask?

Well, I was away at a conference all week - and although I wasn't terribly far away, I was committed to a series of events that would get me home very late at night and required me to be back very early every morning - so I stayed in the hotel...in Baltimore County, MD. Home of one of the lucky Mega Millions winners. On Tuesday afternoon - the day of the 1st big Mega Millions drawing - I realized that I did not have a ticket. So, after the conference set-up, I got in the car and drove around to buy myself a ticket. I had a few other errands to do - so I did them and stopped at a 7-Eleven and bought $10.00 worth of tickets on my way back to my hotel. The SAME 7-Eleven where the winning ticket was purchased this past Friday night!!!!!!!!!!! Why, you may ask, didn't I buy my tickets at this 7-Eleven AGAIN on Friday? Well, that is the question of the weekend, Peeps! WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?????????? WHY did I decide to buy my ticket at Giant instead of going back to 7-Eleven? Who knows? Who the heck knows? All I can say is that the Mega Millions were not meant for me and mine this time..... But , I am happy to report that I did win $9.00 - which still kind of sucks because I bought $10.00 worth of tickets...so I am still down by a dollar.

And boy -  I had me some plans for all of that money! Who didn't? I must admit, the BEST part of these Mega Millions jackpots that we see every so often is that even the most cynical among us takes a moment and allows herself to dream - and dream BIG! I was at a dinner with some very lovely ladies on Thursday evening, and of course - the cocktail hour chatter revolved around "What would you do...". Everyone had plans, dreams, hopes - and I LOVE that! No one said: "Oh, I didn't buy a ticket because you know that your odds of getting bitten by a shark are better than your odds of winning!" Every one of those ladies had a dream. A FUN dream at that! Of course we would all pay off our bills, set our kids up for life, set up a lovely retirement fund, give a ton to charity and to church.....but after that you'd still have GAZILLIONS of dollars left! What would you do with ALL of that money??? Well - after much thought - I give you the:

 Busy Momma Mega Millions List:

1. First of all - I'd split the money with Fifi - 50/50. We made this promise to one another when we were young girls with narry a crow's foot, and we intend to honor that promise. So, in reality - I'd only have HALF of a gazillion dollars left.

2. I would call Manolo and Christian and have them take molds/casts/measurements of my feet. Then I would have them create a custom line of shoes - just for me! And one of the pairs of shoes would be ENCRUSTED with diamonds! REAL diamonds - real ones. And I would wear these shoes to the Grocery store and to Target - just once to say that I did it. And then I would put them away and pull them out ONLY on fat days and wear them to feel better about feeling fat. 

3. I would buy myself a house on a beach somewhere. Somewhere secluded and quiet - but not so secluded that my friends couldn't get there easily. I'm thinking a nice Cape Cod beach house. And I would deecorate it ENTIRELY in WHITE, light blue and yellow - because when the kids ruined the white sofa - I could just order a new one!

4. I would get a complete surgical body makeover - the whole shebang! Boob job, liposuction, I'd get some of that pesky underarm jiggle taken care of, I'd have my fat knees sculpted, I'd get a Brazillian Bum-Bum - I am telling you - the whole thing peeps. In Lucern, Switzerland! That way as I am laying recouping I could look out at the Alps and the water in Lake Lucern and be happy....plus I have heard that the pain meds in Switzerland are FABULOUS!

5. I would have an 80's party to celebrate my new found riches. And I mean the BEST 80's party ANYONE has EVER thrown. I would spare NO expense. I would BUILD a Roller Rink in my new backyard - 'cause I would have a new mansion with a nice pool and guest cottage - and that party would be IN the Roller Rink. Then I would hire the BEST 80's bands to play - Pat Benatar, Bon Jovi, Air Supply, Men at Work, Billy Joel, Hall and Oats, The Cure, Depeche Mode, INXS (I'd have to bring Michael back from the dead for that one), Billy Idol, MADONNA, Genesis, The Police and REM! They would ALL perform on the roller rink stage and we would ALL be wearing glow sticks and roller skating or dancing. AND I would pay my cousin Mary Ellen O'Leary to teach EVERYONE how to pony - because she is the BEST 80's dancer I have ever seen! Seriously - when we were little, I could NOT understand why she was not a Solid Gold dancer. She could pony better than ANY of those girls.

6. I would pay the Orioles to let PC be on the team for a whole season! (And the way they have been playing recently - it might work out well for them!) And that way - I'd officially be the BEST WIFE EVA!

7. Wait a minute - I'd BUY THE ORIOLES for PC!!!! THEN I'd be the best wife EVA!

8. I would allow the orthodontist to take Bella's braces off and replace them with Invisalign - as she is begging me to do. She is NONE to pleased to be getting the braces and doesn't seem to understand that braces are terribly expensive and that Invisalign is TWICE as expensive and not at all covered by my insurance plan. This way, I would have a happy tweenager instead of one who swears that after this coming Thursday - she will "Never smile again until the braces come off." She also finds it quite ironic that she is getting braces at the same time we remember the passion of Christ - for now she will "truly understand" what the Lord must have gone through. (Seriously - I cannot make this stuff up.)

9. I would have someone build a working Millenium Falcon for Jack. This is what he requested should I hit it big - a working Millenium Falcon that we could "fly" him back and forth to school in. I will even admit - that would be pretty cool. Although landing it at SMS during drop-off every morning would be kind of tricky. And forget about trying to park it in the pick-up line. I'd probably have to build a landing pad somewhere.

10. I would take all of my friends and family on the best trip ever! I would rent a Disney cruise ship AND the entire Disney Park in Florida so that we could all go down, enjoy the parks without the horrible crowds and then cruise away and relax!   I would also hire several dozen nannies - to take care of the children and to run them around the parks while the grown ups lounged around the pools.....

So - Peeps - what do you think? Pretty cool plans - huh? So - here is my question to you: What would YOU do if you hit it big?????