Twas TWO Weeks Before Christmas...Holy CRAP!

Hi Peeps! How's everyone doing out there? Reveling in the glow of happy little faces, covered in homemade Christmas cookie crumbs? Hearts about to burst from seeing the sleeping faces of the little cherubs God has blessed you with? Enjoying holiday peace and happiness and sitting back with a steaming cup of hot mulled cider?

Humph - Me neither. This is pretty much how I'm feeling these days:

Anybody else right there with me???? Christmas is 2 weeks from today - and I am SOOOOO behind. More behind than ever before. Like seriously, seriously behind. My TREE is not even up! We only got it tonight!!! That , I can say with certainty is NOT my fault. PC was sick this past weekend with a HORRIBLE sinus infection and bronchitis. I really didn't want to get the tree without him - so we waited.
And as for shopping - I'm screwed. I have a few things for Bella - she is easy. Clothes and Monster High stuff and she's done. I even have some stocking stuffers for her. Again - easy. Lip Gloss, hair bands, earrings and we're done. Jack is another story. I have NOTHING for him - as in NADA, NOTHING, ZIPPO Skippo - not 1 item. Except a new toothbrush. Seriously. That's it.  A toothbrush. Poor little sucker. Part of the problem is that he really doesn't know what he wants this year. He wants some video games and an electric scooter - and that's it. Mom got the scooter - and that means I'm screwed. I am considering giving him a trip to The Great Wolf Lodge - as he LOVES water slides...but I know someone who got bedbugs there. No joke. So I don't think I can pull the trigger with that one. If I get desperate enough I might have to risk it- but no promises. I might force PC to take him to New York to see the Spiderman musical...but that's pricey peeps! So, as of right now, Jack is getting the gift of good dental hygene. Lucky little guy.

So, what's a Busy Momma to do to get in the Christmas spirit? Well, first things first - I have to finish my shopping. I have PROMISED myself that I will be all done by Sunday. I HAVE to be all done by Sunday. I have no choice. I took this Friday off, so I can shop and wrap all darn day. I also took next Thursday and Friday off to finish wrapping and to start baking. We will get the tree up this week. Probably tomorrow or Thursday night. Friday at the LATEST. I have my book club holiday party on Sunday, and I'm really looking forward to that. I am going to plan my menu tonight and I'm ONLY making special, holiday appetizers and I am going to make a signature holiday cocktail. So that should get me in the mood.

 I just wish that the holidays wouldn't make me a frazzled mess. I wish that I could be one of those cookie baking, eggnog drinking moms with the holiday aprons and the reindeer antlers headbands. (OK - I would NEVER EVER wear a reindeer antler headband, but you know what I mean.)

Who IS this woman and WHY CAN"T I BE HER???????
But I'm not. I'm more of the "buy-the-cookies-at-the-bakery-and-tell-everyone-that-I-made-em" type of gal. I'm the "I'd-rather-send-in-cash-than-make-anything-for-the-"winter celebration"-in-school "type of mom. Let's get real Peeps-I'm lucky if I can FIND an apron in my kitchen - never mind having a special CHRISTMAS apron!

But, somehow, it will all get done. In the next 14 days, I will shop for everyone. I will wrap all of the gifts that I buy. I will address and mail 75 + cards.  I will make Christmas cookies. I will put up the tree and decorate it (yes - those are two completely different operations people). I will plan, shop for, cook and host Christmas dinner. I will read every Christmas book we have. I will find 13 more interesting and funny places to hide Jingle, the God- damned Elf-on-the-effing-Shelf. And I will do it all while trying very, very hard not to be this guy:

But I can't make any promises people...it's going to take A LOT of wine to prevent him from showing up!