This is FORTY!

Hey Peeps! Happy Easter!! I hope the bunny was good to everyone. He brought my kids their body weight in chocolate as he does every year. So - I must apologize. I have been tres negligent of my beloved blog and I know that for my tens of die-hard fans, that can be a bummer. But never fear - we've got a new post today. And the topic of today's post is...getting older and how much freaking fun that has been!

Many of you know that I turned 40 this past January.....81 days ago to be exact. And in the past 81 days - well, how does one put this? I've begun to fall apart! Not mentally or emotionally. Nope - I still have all of my marbles, the crayons are all sharp and still in the box - but physically? Well, that's another story.

 My journey to 40 started out really, really well. I spent the last week of my 30's in Sin City. That's right - VEGAS baby! If I was going to watch my 30's fizzle out - I was going to do it in style. So PC and I checked into The Wynn...highly recommend it btw... and began a weekend of debauchery!

It started like this:

with some upscale shopping...

sightseeing......

and fine dining....

But somehow, it ended like this:

 

"Hell No! I won't go bitches!!!!"

I guess that's what Vegas can do to a girl.It can take one classy lady and turn her into a hard partying, Cirque du Soleil watching  Momma who REFUSES to get out of her cushy, fluffy white bed that has a view like THIS:

(Really - who wants to leave THAT to go home and do mountains of laundry?)

Did I mention that everything in the room - the lights, tv, DRAPES, the BATHROOM lights - were all controlled by a big remote control panel next to the bed? Oh yes....even the drapes my Peeps. 

Needless to say - a good time was had by all...especially me. 

Forty wasn't looking - or feeling - so bad. Well - let's address the "looking" part before the feeling part...

So after we got home, I had one of those moments that can only be described by the term "watershed". Have you ever looked in the mirror - I mean really stopped and looked in the mirror and said:

 "Holy Mother of GOD! I look AMAZING!" 

Cool - me neither. No, I had a moment when I returned home where I looked in the mirror and said:

"Hmmmm - when did THAT happen?"

and 

"What in the name of God is THAT?"

Now it's not like I developed a third eye or a second head...but I started noticing some lines and other "things" that I SWEAR were NOT on my face or neck when I left Maryland for my "Forty is Fabulous" trip. Like seriously - they just appeared after the trip like an unwelcome birthday surprise from a creepy ex boyfriend....like herpes or something. While I'd like to believe that this little patch of VERY FINE lines around my eyes and on my neck are an after effect of the dry, dry desert air...me thinks they are not. So - in the past 81 days, I've gone from using skin-care products that say this:

To using skin care products that say this:

Yes, my Peeps, it's true. I now have to ask God for an ACTUAL miracle as I wash my face every morning and night. And, as I dry my wrinkly mug, I also have to ask the Lord to....

avoid creating any MORE fine lines as I sleep. (Laugh if you will - but ALL of these products - plus the entire "When Hope is not Enough" product line are sitting on my bathroom counter as I type.)

Then there is my friend Peri to contend with. You guys remember Peri - my crazy, psychotic new BFF who won't freaking leave me alone? Peri-menopause? She is super, duper fun. And since I turned 40 - she's been ON FIRE! She does CRAZY shit like makes me have these awesome hot flashes 8-19 times A DAY (No joke - worst day ever - 19 full on, dripping sweat down my back into my panties flashes.)  She's been getting funner and funner ever since we got home from Vegas. And by "funner" I mean a lot bitchier. I hate that slutbag. So - I gathered my courage together and finally called the doctor and sweetly cooed:

"Listen up you big lug! DO SOMETHING TO FIX THIS!!!!!!!!!"

And...thankfully - he did. HE is now my new boyfriend - replacing Ray Lewis, Jon Bon Jovi and Steven Tyler...all by suggesting that I add a little Estroven to my life. 

What is that you ask? What is Estroven? Well - simply put - Estroven is Peri's Kryptonite!!!!

It is an all-natural supplement designed to help gals like me who are battling the early onset of peri-menopausal symptoms. It has taken care of my hot flashes and night sweats and made me a MUCH happier person - which - let's face it - is a win-win for everyone around me. I LOVE this stuff. I still get a hot flash or 3 every day - but they aren't nearly as intense or as frequent. And trust me - that is a VERY good thing! 

So - we've tackled my new lines and wrinkles, my peri-menopause...now onto my newest and most annoying physical ailment...Achilles Tendinitis!!!! Yes - my Achilles tendon thinks it is way too cool to stay attached to the rest of my body and is trying to tear itself away from the inside out.Thankfully it is NOT torn or ruptured. But it is trying its darned hardest to tear. And for those of you who have been blessed to never have an Achilles injury - thank your lucky stars. Because it hurts - a lot. And when it hurts to WALK anywhere - you are screwed. I don't mean hurts as in sore or achy or even "ouch!". I mean hurts as in I-want-to-cry-every-time-I-take-a-step-and-I-don't-want-to-walk-anywhere. Which would be perfectly acceptable if I could remain in bed all day. But, my boss won't let me conduct sales presentations from bed and Jack can't reach the gas pedal in the van and Bella insists on being picked-up from her TaeKwon Do instead of walking home in the dark...so I'm kind of forced into walking. So - after 2 months of physical therapy that did nothing, my doctor put me in a walking cast and has me completely resting the foot as much as humanly possible. Which is really annoying. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind not having to do all of the house cleaning. But not being able to do fun stuff - like go rock climbing with the kids- really sucks. 

That's Jack....waaaaaaaaaay up there...

All of these changes in the last 81 days....since I turned 40. Coincidence? I think not. I think my body knows that it has come to the top of the hill and that it's about to go OVER it. But I WILL NOT go over without a fight! I am working to get this stupid tendon all healed up and will follow doctor's orders if it kills me. Ice, anti-inflammatory, physical therapy - I'm all in. I cannot face a future that involves orthodic shoes. I just cannot. I caved in and ordered a pair of orthodic slippers and a pair of orthodic sandals. I own ONE pair of shoes that the doctor feels are "safe" to wear with my aircast. ONE PAIR. All of the rest of my shoes sit sadly in their labeled boxes in my closet. They sit and taunt me. They seem to say: "Remember when you were young and could wear us?"   

I have to stop there...talking about my shoes is making me sad.....