Ribgate 2015

Hi Peeps. So, Busy Momma has a problem...well, that's kind of an understatement. She has lots and lots of problems...but the most pressing issue is that Busy Momma is broken. And I don't mean that in a cool, deep, dark and twisty broken on the inside kind of way. I mean broken - as in LITERALLY broken - like I have broken pieces and parts.  Seriously. I keep injuring myself. And I wish I could say something cool about these injuries, like: "Yeah, I took a tumble while I was training for the Iron Man I'm doing in June." Or, even something like: "That zombie was much faster than I thought a zombie could be! Thank God I outran him, even if I did break my ankle getting away from him." But I can't. I can't say anything cool about my injuries because I am in no way athletic at all. (And Zombies don't exist.) Hence, my injuries would NEVER be caused by anything remotely resembling an athletic event or an escape from a zombie apocalypse.

 My latest injury is a broken rib - which I sustained yesterday at work. A broken rib hurts like a BIOTCH by the way. I suggest avoiding breaking ribs at all costs.
 The cause, you ask? How on EARTH could busy Momma break a rib at work, you wonder? Isn't she a sales rep for a book company? Is she really a super hero at night? Book Girl to the rescue?

Nope, Sorry.

Is she using the whole Sales Rep thing as a cover for her actual job as an operative for the CIA?

Um - no, not so much.

Nope - nothing exciting like that my peeps. No, the cause of yesterday's disaster was much more mundane. My shoes and a rock came together to create what I am calling: 

Ribgate 2015. 

That's right - these beauties betrayed me. Yes, they might be beautiful. They might lift the fanny and elongate the leg, but they are no match for a small rock encountered in a crumbling parking lot. Once these bad girls step on a rock, they will turn your ankle like a doorknob. They will allow you to fall, ungracefully to the ground - in front of your boss- like a drunken frat girl. They will allow you to attempt to break your fall by flailing your arms out in front of you while you tumble onto your side and BREAK YOUR OWN RIB WITH YOUR ELBOW.

Oh yes, in attempting to save myself and shield my face - my moneymaker - from any and all injury - I broke my own freaking rib. And to make matters WORSE - I broke the rib DIRECTLY under my boob, so it feels like I broke my boob. Seriously - a broken boob. How sad is that? 

I wasn't going to get it XRayed, but my physical therapist told me that I had to.

Caught that, did ya?

 Physical therapist? Oh yes - I am in PT right now for Achilles Tendinitis. Another incredibly painful condition that I highly suggest avoiding at all costs. How did I manage to do that? Would you laugh if I told you it was another shoe related injury?

Yes, they are gorgeous. No support - but beauties none the less. But once again, these beauties are a bitch. They provide about as much support as a training bra and when you are pounding the pavement trying to sell a few books, you might want to wear something a bit sturdier.

Thanks to Therese, my life saving physical therapist, I did go and get an XRay. I trust her, as I've known her for YEARS. She's treated my hip for bursitis, a stress fracture or 3 oh and a labral tear. And she cured my Achillis Tendinitis last summer. 

I can't seem to stop breaking myself. My friends and family are frightened to do fun things with me. Seriously. No one will go horseback riding or inner tubing with me for fear of what part I will break. They need to think about issues like: how far away from civilization will we be if we take her with us? How many of us will be needed to carry her out of the woods and back to the car? Is there any scenario that we can think of where she might bleed out? Has anyone in history ever been known to break their lady parts?  Do we need to have a drill where we practice various rescue scenarios before we actually go somewhere with her?

I'm not kidding. I am beginning to feel like I need to wear bubble wrap...but then again....

Be careful out there my peeps!