Welcome to One Busy Momma! The Blog for Busy Moms by one Busy Mom.....

Welcome to my blog. One Busy Momma is my space to rant about my life and the things that happen in it. I have a crazy life - and instead of focusing on the crazy - I like to focus on the funny. Because if I focused on the craziness - well, I'd have been shipped off to an institution long, long ago. And while, I'll admit, there are some days when being institutionalized sounds PRETTY GOOD compared to making ANOTHER diorama at 1am - I'd rather be right where I am - in my messy house with my not so perfect kids making crooked dioramas in the middle of the night.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

To "friend" or not to 'friend"...that is the question!

Oiy-vehy! Did you ever have a day that started out in an unexpected way? We all have - and today it was my turn. This morning was a hectic morning. I was up with the sun, had to be out the door before school drop-off...which as any mother knows, involves mental, physical and logistical gymnastics the likes of which many olympic gymnasts would be unable to perform. I had to have breakfasts premade, lunches ready, clothing and uniforms ready to go, glasses at their appointed spot at the breakfast table, bookbags packed and at the front door, children woken earlier than usual - which resulted in cranky, upset children, which resulted in the obligatory momma-drama when I tried to get out of the door... and all of this had to happen BEFORE my weekly 7am call with my boss. In the midst of all of this chaos, I of course checked my personal email. I do this every morning with my coffee because my daughter's school does have a habit of sending out emails that pertain to that day's events late at night and early in the morning. (Keep in mind that "late at night" is after 8pm in my world.) And what to my wondering eyes should appear? A "friend" request from my facebook account.

Now, normally, this would not cause me a second thought - I approve about 99% of the friend requests that I get. As many of you know, I've travelled quite a bit and have had quite a few jobs and have been fortunate enough to have made AMAZING friends and contacts along the way. Combine those people with old friends from grade school, the town I grew up in, high school and college and I have the normal sized 100+ "friend" list on facebook. I think the 100-200 "friend" list is pretty average on FB for people in their mid...ok, ok,late thirties. (excuse me while I cry for a moment) Yes, I know people who have over 400 people as their Facebook "friends". These people must "friend" their dry cleaners, and mailmen and all of the check-out people at the grocery store because there is no way in heck that a normal person has that many "friends" that he or she can realistically stay in touch with. Either that or they are a member of some sort of cult - that requires them to "friend" over 350 people in order to join. Like a geeky gang initiation ritual. But I digress....back to this morning's friend request.

So, as I'm sipping my decaf (that's another story) I get this friend request from a name that I don't recognize. That is the first bad sign. If you don't even recognize the person's name...why would they want to be your facebook friend? So, because I don't have enough to do this morning, I decide to investigate who the heck this person is. And low and behold - I DO know this person. In fact, I used to know her very, very well. Key word there? "USED TO" - as in don't know her any more. Now - I know what you're thinking..."Well, isn't that what Facebook is all about? Getting back in touch with people you haven't spoken to in a long time, Mary?" And yes, dear, brilliant readers, it IS. It IS for getting back in touch with old friends who you've lost touch with - not because anything happened between you - but because life took you in different directions. I just got back in touch with a dear old friend I used to teach with. She moved away and we lost touch - because life was happening to us both. And we've reconnected over FB - and it's WONDERFUL to see pictures of her BEAUTIFUL children and hear how she's doing. One of my old work buddies lives in Hawaii - and I know what's happening in her life because of FB - and we chat and it's terrific. I keep in touch with all of my cousins thru FB - and it's awesome to know what everyone is up to everyday - because we are spread all over the country.

However...this person and I lost touch for a reason. To protect the innocent...and not so innocent - all I'll say is that this person and I were very close at one point in our lives and then - things changed. I believe the last words I spoke to her were - and I quote: "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!" And then - I called her a name. Now WHY on EARTH would you want to be my Facebook friend after that????? In the interest of privacy -and in the interest of keeping my loyal blog readers - all 3 of you - I will say that she deserved it. And MORE - trust me. She should have been ...well - we'll leave that for another posting. But all of that was a long, long, long time ago. And it was a VERY bad time in her life. A time that, if I were her, I would not be wanting to revisit any time soon - like as in ever. And if there was one person I would NOT want to reconnect with - it would be ME. I witnessed all of the stuff that no one in their right mind would want anyone remembering or bringing back up.

Frankly - if I had gone thru some of the stuff this person went thru and had done some of the things she did and KNEW that there was someone out there who witnessed it ALL...I'd move to another PLANET before I'd ever willingly make contact with them again. Friends - I would go out to the wilderness and live in a tent before I'd voluntarily contact them again. And for those of you who know me - that's saying ALOT.

So, all day I've been thinking: "Why on earth would this person want to "friend" me on Facebook?" The grown-up, mature person that I am (or that I would like to think that I am) tells me that this person has also grown up and changed since back-in-the-day. And I'm sure she has. We all have. Who among us would like to be judged by our actions of 15+ years ago? Heck - I don't want to be judged by my actions of this past weekend, let alone by the things I did in my teens and early twenties! Maybe she has normalized and is in a healthy place and uses FB like the rest of us. Maybe she's curious about what has become of her snarky, name-calling ex-friend. Maybe she genuinely wishes me well and wants to see evidence of the wonderful life that I've made for myself. And I'd like to belive that - I really, really would.

But I don't. Not for a minute. Because while I can sit here and rationalize why I shouldn't judge her by how she behaved 15+ years ago - unfortunately, 15+ years ago was my last experience with her. And it went beyond unpleasant - it was bat-shit crazy. Crazy like destructive crazy. Crazy like - "only the fittest survive here bitch," crazy. And while I truly hope she did get her life together and that she is happy and in a great, terrific place, I'm just not willing to re-open that particular chapter of my life. I'm not willing to risk re-inviting that level of chaos and destructiveness into my life.

So, this got me thinking about my list of Facebook "friends". And how many of them are actually my "friends". Many of them are acquaintences - and I'd guess that many of us have lists that are well populated with old friends and acquaintences. But what about the people who we've friended who aren't really our friends? Who we don't even really like? What do you do with these people? I'll admit - I have "unfriended" one person. Not because I don't like him - but because I couldn't stand his posts and I didn't know that you could "hide" someone's posts back then. So it was not a hostile "unfriending" in any way. I do have someone that I am going to unfriend. Someone that I've unfriended in every other way, I just haven't gotten around to unfriending him on my FB account yet. He's not even worth that effort - not even worth the click. And I do mean that in a hostile sort of way. (See - I'm still the same mean, name caller.)

What do you do about the people on FB that play games and collect trees and hearts and eggs and all of their activity pops up when you log in? That drives me NUTS!!! I don't care what your farm has on it or what you won in Mafia Wars. I want to know what my cousins are up to. I want to see what my friends have to SAY - not what they play! Should I unfriend these people as well? Should I hide their posts? To save myself the aggravation of reading about their farms and wars and whatnot???

And as I write this, I wonder - how did our mothers and grandmothers keep in touch with one another? Their world was so much smaller back in the days before Facebook and emails and Twitter and computers and even before telephones. They didn't have these "friending" and "unfriending" dilemmas. They had other things to worry about - like ERA and Roe v. Wade and the civil rights movement and polio. They had REAL issues to worry about. Not that my "friending" dilemma isn't important. Just maybe not on the scale of say the polio epidemic back in the day.....

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