Ahhhh.......Prom Night!

Well - it's that time of year again...spring has sprung and for many of us the end of the spring season is sheer and utter madness. It seems like May and June bring with them an onslaught of Opening Days, sports practice schedules, end-of-the-year picnics, parties and festivities as well as a fair share of First Communions, Graduations, and Weddings. And as exciting as those events are, it seems like no spring-time event brings more excitement, expectation and utter dread that THE SENIOR PROM. (OK - maybe weddings surpass proms in terms of excitement, but proms have the whole hormonal teenager thing going on - so I'd say that proms outweigh weddings in terms of expectation and utter dread.)

PC and I often remark that we know that we're getting really, really old when we watch a group of kids, headed to prom or homecoming, and make the following comments:

"How'd she get out of the house wearing THAT?"

"Do you think he looked in a mirror and SAW what his hair looked like before he left the house?"

"Are her parents BLIND????"

"Does Zach Efron know that you borrowed his look for the night?"

and my personal favorite: "There is no possible way there is any underewear under that."

Sad, huh? PC and I were out one evening when a group of kids walked passed us, clearly headed out to dinner before their junior prom. As we looked at the array of dresses the girls were wearing, PC made an interesting remark. He said: "I know I'm getting old when I look at some of these dresses the girls are wearing and all I can think about is Bella walking out the door in one of these in a few years. And I'm terrified!" When I pressed him for more information, he told me that his thought process has completely changed in the past few years. That when he was younger, he'd see some hot young chick-a-dee in one of these slinky numbers and think: "Now that's one hot chick-a-dee" (OK - maybe not an exact quote of what he would actually think- but you get the idea.) But now, it's as if a switch has been flipped in his brain and his first thoughts when he sees these young girls in these sexy dresses are: "God, how old is she?" and "How did her father let her walk out of the house in a hanky?"

So, this has been weighing on my mind lately. Are we really turning into our parents? Are we really getting old and un-cool and un-hip? OR are some of these prom dresses waaaaay to sexy for 16 and 17 year old girls. And WHY on earth are their parents buying them?

I think back to my own prom, and I still chuckle about MY prom dress. My prom dress was totally AWESOME - and I had to fight like a dog with a bone to get it. I found it at a store in the mall and instantly fell in love with it. It was black, strapless and short...the 3 adjectives that my mother warned me would NOT describe my senior prom gown. It was also ridiculously expensive and waay, waay out of the generous price range my parents gave me. So, I had quite a problem. For some reason that still confounds us, my mom let me try it on. The fit was perfect, the look was perfectly unique - in short, it was exactly what I wanted. Remember, I went to prom in the era of the John Hughes movie - when PROM NIGHT was supposed to be this magical night where teenagers transformed into adults and true love always won out on prom night. The right boy would show up at your door looking all dreamy in his tux....and canvas high tops that matched the color of your dress. You would dance the night away,gaze into each other's eyes on the dance floor during the perfect song, and then after the prom go to a party at someone's lake house, and under the stars your beloved, perfect boyfriend would look into your eyes and tell you that he loved you and there, in the moonlight, you would have the most magical experience of your whole life.

How could ANY of this happen if I was wearing a dress that my mother would approve of???????? No, I remember thinking that I HAD to get this dress. I coached the sales girl in the dressing room to tell my mom that this dress was "demure" and "sweet". I remember hearing my mother's laughter through the door of the fitting room. So, off we went for the rest of the day - looking for another dress. I think back to that day with a mixture of amusement and remorse. Amusement at the balls I had to act the way I did. And remorse over the fact that I had the balls I had to act the way I did! I walked around that mall for hours pooh-poohing ANYTHING my mother showed me. Anything at all. Noting was right, everything I tried on looked "awful", was "horrible" and just didn't fit the bill. Now understand, we weren't shopping in Junction City Kansas where the only dress shop in town also sells cow feed. We're talking Bergen County, NJ - mall capital of the world! This is where the Real Housewives of NJ shop for God's sake! However, there was only 1 dress on the whole planet that I wanted. By then end of the day, my mother was so angry and frustrated that she took me home with NO dress and told me that I'd have to go to prom in an old dress because there was obviously nothing that would suit me available.

So, I did what any reasonable 18 year-old girl would do. I went crying to my father. Now, I often think that my father lived through my teenage squabbles with my mother by developing what I like to call "Charlie Brown Ear". You know how in Charlie Brown cartoons, whenever a grown-up talks, all we hear is "Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa". This is what MUST have happened because I KNOW that my mom came home and told him all about this "ridiculous" dress that I wanted and how it was black and strapless and that I behaved like a spoiled brat all day. I KNOW she did - she had to. Furthermore, as he tried to soothe both of us - I distinctly remember her saying that SHE was NOT going to take me shopping for a prom dress ever again. And when he suggested that this was sort of a ridiculous stance to take as the prom tickets were already purchased and the limo paid for and that she might want to rethink her decision...she told him in NO uncertain terms that if He wanted me to have a new dress for prom then HE could take me shopping for it.

BINGO!!!! This, my friends, is when the clouds parted and the heavens began to sing. I was going to get that dress.

So, off we went to the mall the next Saturday. My poor, unsuspecting adoring father. He was like a lamb to the slaughter poor guy. He had NO IDEA of how conniving an 18 year old girl on a mission could be. You see, I am sad and sorry to admit this...but I had already called the store and spoken with the sales lady. I told her that my Dad was coming in to look at the dress and that he was a "bit concerned" with it being strapless. maybe she could find a little, sexy bolero jacket that I could try on with the dress? So, as we are passing the store - FILLED with prom-type dresses. he says "Well, why don't we look in here?" You see, I knew that he wanted to get in and get out - so I strategically parked near the entrance closest to this particular store. Lamb to the slaughter I tell you...

So, of course the dress was already set aside in a dressing room and I selected several other frothy things to try on - knowing that I would never, ever even try them. When I walked out in that "long sleeved" dress - I said: "What do you think?" He thought it looked good, but the price was steep. So, I casually mentioned that the big hot pink bow in the back was missing a snap and that we'd have to have that repaired. Well, the saleslady cut the price of the dress! It was still expensive - especially NOW since we added a bolero jacket - but he took the bait!!!!! And since it was "damaged" (I can't IMAGINE how that happened!) it was a FINAL SALE - no returns or exchanges.

Understand - I knew that I was taking my life in my hands here - for my mother was going to hit the ROOF when we got home. But I was like a crazed woman - I had to have THIS dress. It was worth life and limb! Well...you can imagine the scene when I got home. I actually think I've blocked some of it out...because I really only remember a bit of yelling and wearing that beautiful dress to the prom. Oh - and "forgetting" the jacket at home.

Unfortunately, the prom and the ensuing "prom night" was NOTHING like the magical John Hughes movie experience I was expecting. My date - my boyfriend at the time - acted weird all night. I found out the next day that he was acting wierd because he basically cheated on me the DAY OF THE PROM with an old girlfriend. Then we got into a HUGE argument and he ended up throwing his big, giant key ring at my HEAD. Like I said - not quite the night I was hoping for. We were broken up by the time the prom pictures came back. Pictures that I angrily tore up in a fit of self righteous rage. He RUINED MY prom night - that rat bastard.

That was 20 years ago this weekend. I still laugh when I think about it. Not about the cheating scandal - but the dress story! However - as I get closer and closer to the day that I have to shop for a prom dress with Bella - I wonder if Karma is really going to be that bitch that everyone says she can be. because I KNOW I deserve it. Will Bella be one of those girls that a 30-something couple will look at and think:"HOW did she get out of the house like that?"?

Over my dead body....Bella's got to remember - she's dealing with a Prom Night Pro here....