Welcome to One Busy Momma! The Blog for Busy Moms by one Busy Mom.....

Welcome to my blog. One Busy Momma is my space to rant about my life and the things that happen in it. I have a crazy life - and instead of focusing on the crazy - I like to focus on the funny. Because if I focused on the craziness - well, I'd have been shipped off to an institution long, long ago. And while, I'll admit, there are some days when being institutionalized sounds PRETTY GOOD compared to making ANOTHER diorama at 1am - I'd rather be right where I am - in my messy house with my not so perfect kids making crooked dioramas in the middle of the night.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Rules to Live By.....

Well - the big day was - in a word - EXTRAORDINARY! It truly was a scene out of a fairy tale - a beautiful, glowing bride, a handsome, happy groom and a setting to rival anything Hollywood could have EVER come up with. My brother and new sister had a beautiful day and those who were there felt priveledged to witness the beginning of what promises to be a very happy and loving family.

I don't know if it's today's society, my age and the age of those around me or what - but it seems like every time I turn around, I hear about another couple divorcing., separating or just going through a "rough time". PC and I have been married for 11 years - next Saturday. In November, we will have been together 18 years. (Yes, I know - it took him a LONG time to decide that he liked it enough to put a ring on it. What can I say? He's a slow mover.) As the years go by - or fly by as it seems lately - it's incredibly sad to see families on the verge of disaster and collapse. It's awful to watch people that you actually know and care about going through that long, torturous process of dissolving a marriage and a life. That's why my brother's wedding was such a joyous occasion. The sheer look of happiness and joy on his face was so utterly pure and beautiful that I know I will cherish and remember that look until my dying day. That look also makes me know - down to the core of my very being - that these two will be ok. They will be able to weather the storms that come their way. No one tells you, when you're standing up there looking perfect, in the "dream" dress on the arm of your handsome prince that there will, indeed, be storms. And that the handsome prince will sometimes act like the village idiot. And that his beautiful bride will sometimes, behave more like a shrew in need of a bit of taming. It all looks so rosy and perfect from the altar - doesn't it?

As PC and I have been salivating over the bride and groom's honeymoon plans and the few photos that have come our way from paradise - we've been playing this little game called:
"Welcome to REAL Married Life!!!" This is how it goes:

Every time we feel bad about how WE'D LOVE to be relaxing pool and oceanside this week in paradise - we invent a scenario to throw the newlyweds into to "test" their newborn marraige. So - for example - the other night, as Jack and Bella were fighting AGAIN about whose turn it was to play Wii, we thought up this little scenario: Let's send Jack and Bella to paradise and have them surprise their uncle and auntie at the hotel. We would send them after having just exposed one to a stomach bug and the other to...oh let's say...strep throat. Now THAT would be a test for a marriage! And as the week has progressed - our scenarios have become more elaborate. Now we're feeling that we really and truly DESERVE to be relaxing poolside - so the ante is being raised every day. Yesterday in fact I came up with a scenario that would test even the most SOLID of marriages. Here goes:

It is December 18th. Child one is performing in the Nutcracker all weekend and MUST attend EVERY dress rehersal - or she will not be allowed to perform - NO EXCEPTIONS. This child is currently vomiting and running a fever and is due at dress rehersal in 30 minutes. Child number two runs into the bathroom where you are trying to convince child number one that she's not truly sick and just really nervous - and tells you that his school project is due TOMORROW. This project involves the construction of an entire indian village out of recycled materials and/or edible materials. Child number two also informs you that if he/she does NOT hand in this project on time - he will be docked a letter grade and that - oh, by the way - he's sort of failing this class - so this project has really got to be spectacular. As you are counting to ten and trying to put child number one's hair in a bun for dress rehersal while she heaves over the puke pot, the dog has explosive gastro-intestinal issues all over the dining room carpet. It is at this point that your spouse shows up - fresh from work - asking either a) What's for dinner b) Why the house is so messy or c) starts to complain about his/her "day from hell". I am also going to add in either a broken dryer or dish washer to stir the pot. And because I am a total sadistic bitch - I'm going to throw a dead pet goldfish in there as a zinger.

Oh yeah - it all looks good from the altar and the pool, kids. Good luck in real life.

And what is so funny about that scenario is that all of that has either happened to me or one of my girlfriends at some point in the past year. How messed up is that????? And I know that some of you will be reading this thinking; "Oh, that's nothing compared to the time that....". That's marriage - that's real life kids! Real marriage is hard, hard, hard - isn't it? I remember my first real big blow-up with PC after we got married. I forget what it was about - but I remember calling my friend Hermione - who knows all of my secrets and loves me anyway - and just going off. I was so mad at him I was going to....going to....going to what? We were MARRIED! I was stuck with this dum-dum for the rest of my freaking life! Oh the agony of not being able to hold anything over his head! This all struck me like a ton of bricks as I was on the phone with my dear friend. I'll never forget her words of wisdom: "Yup - you're married now. It sucks, doesn't it?"

Ahhh - marriage. It takes hard work, patience and a bit of alchohol to make it work. Actually, I really don't know what it takes to make it work. Sometimes I think PC and I just got really, really lucky. When it's all said and done - we like each other at the end of the day. I think that helps. We also have a lot in common - that helps as well. 18 years is a long time to be with someone - the same someone day in and day out. Thankfully, as we've grown - we've grown together and not apart. And we do have a few rules that have kept things humming along here. These rules have been learned the hard way - through real-life experience.

Many people have asked us through the years: "You guys seem really happy together. What's your secret?" As tempted as we are to respond back with witty remarks like: "It's the lovers we keep on the side..." we always just say "We're just lucky, I guess." But I think it's more than luck - it's our marriage rules. So my loyal readers - I have decided to share them with you. Feel free to use them to make your own lives as happy and care free as ours is.

The Busy Momma's Marriage Rules:

1. Whoever coined the phrase "Happy Wife, Happy Life" is a flipping genius. Truer words were never spoken.

2. Never, EVER blame one another should a check bounce. Little known fact - there are gremlins who live inside of your checkbook once you merge finances. These gremlins like to write checks at stores like Dick's Sporting Goods and Best Buy and Ann Taylor. They purposely forget to record these expenditures in your check register. This is because they live off of the energy of your ensuing "Ican't BELIEVE you were this irresponsible..." argument. Do NOT give in to this. Accept and acknowledge the gremlins. And know that they will only strike once in a blue moon - and then move on.

3. Never wake a sleeping child.

4. Unless the house is on fire - never wake a sleeping wife. Especially for anything that YOU might need while in the bed.

5. Speaking of bedroom activities: Boys, listen, learn it and love it: Married sex is like the moon. Throughout the course of your marriage it waxes and wanes. Just because, and I know that this might be unbelievable for some of you, your bride does not feel sexy while lactating, after having been puked on 14 times in one day, after breastfeeding a baby who eats like an internment camp survivor all day and night for what seems like YEARS, when she gains 10 pounds, when she goes back to work or when she fights with her mother, best friend, boss or the kid's teacher, it does NOT mean that she will never want sex again. It just means that right now - at this point in her life - sleep is much more important than anything else. The sex drive WILL come back. The GRUDGE she will hold against you for making her feel bad about not wanting to be a Playboy Bunny every night of the week will last FOREVER.

6. Whoever said "Don't ever go to sleep angry" has obviously never been married. Go to sleep. Many, many things look different in the light of day.

7. Treat each other as friends first and foremost. Never like family. remember - friends don't HAVE to stay by your side forever - family sort of does. Don't say anything to your spouse that you wouldn't say to a friend in the heat of battle. Some things once said, can never be unsaid. (This one each couple must learn the hard way, I'm afraid.)

8. Check your need to be right at the front door. Busy Momma say: He who always needs to win winds up being the biggest loser of them all.

9. Laugh! When the ceiling is leaking, the dryer is breaking, the kids are fighting and the dog is throwing up - what else can you do? Try to see the humor in the ridiculousness of the situation. If you don't - you'll wind up yelling at one another - and that can't lead to anything good.

10. And finally - no matter how long you've been married - try to think back to that day that YOU were beaming as you walked down the aisle or watched your beautiful bride float towards you. Try to bring some of that magic into your life everyday.

A good way for men to do this is to say the following words:

"Honey, when I looked back at our wedding photo today, as I do each and every day of my life, I realized something. While you were such a pretty bride, you have grown and matured into such a stunningly beautiful wife and mother. I realized today that I am so fortunate that you agreed to marry me so many moons ago and I hope that I have lived up to the example of beauty, love and devotion that you have set my darling. Please take these diamond earrings as a sign of my love and devotion to you."

A good way for women to do this is to say the following words:

" Ok, OK - but you have to be finished by the time "The Real Housewives" comes on - ok?"

And with those words of eternal wisdom - I am off to bathe a very stinky 6 year -old boy. Until next time lovies....be safe, enjoy a good glass of wine and a great laugh...


  1. And may I add, no matter how many kids you squeeze out, every week, one night a week...go on a date with each other...shave the legs, get all gussied up, do it up right or slip away... just the two of you! It's important not to let good love turn into resentment from the exhaustion of battling the daily grind of life and family. Be as attentive to each other as you would your peeps because if you haven't given the foundation of your home ("you two") the attention it deserves, it will never sustain the family it is meant to support and nurture and love.

  2. That's the secret to a happy life...well that and Happy Wife Happy Life.....