Auld Lang Syne

Well Peeps - it's been a rough year. (That might be the understatement of the year!) As PC and I sit back and reflect upon this past year, we are quite tempted to utter several expletives and witty yet filthy phrases as we bid 2011 farewell. PC has so many witty yet filthy phrases in mind, that I will seriously have to watch his booze consumption on Saturday night to be sure that he does not utter them in mixed company! Busy Momma and crew will NOT miss 2011. It started off with unbelievable, mind -numbing tradgedy and grief. And as we get ready to mark the first anniversary of Aiden's passing, I find myself looking for something to hold on to. Something to keep me from sinking back into that pit of darkness and sadness and despair that I became so familiar with last winter. An anchor, a tree root to hold onto as the quicksand of despair threatens to suck us back into its crushing hold.

And I found it. I actually found it last year, as all of this madness was unfolding. I didn't so much 'find" it, as it was given to me by my brother. Last Christmas, as we were waiting for a diagnosis, I remember standing in my living room talking to my brother. PC and the rest of the grown-ups were acting as if everything was normal on Christmas for the sake of the kids. We didn't want to ruin their Christmas as we were beginning to realize that there was going to be enough saddness in the coming days to last a lifetime. So any "real" conversation had to occur out of the way of little ears and prying eyes. I remember just looking at my brother and saying something like "I just don't understand why this is happening to us. I don't know what lesson I am supposed to learn." And he looked at me and said "Maybe all you are supposed to learn is how much your family and friends love you. Maybe this is supposed to bring everyone closer together."

Now, I don't often admit this in public - but he was right. (There, I said it - record it!) I think he had a flash of divine brilliance that morning. Little did we know how our friends and family would rally around us in the coming days, weeks and months and provide the kind of love and support we didn't even realize was possible. People did things, made gestures both on a grand scale and a small scale that often brought us to tears and left us feeling loved and cherished and incredibly blessed.

And that is my anchor. That is what I am holding onto this week. I still maintain that I would have rather learned this lesson another way - but we don't get to control how we learn our lessons. All we can control is what we take from the challenges God puts before us. I think Aiden's death would have truly been a meaningless tradgedy if we didn't learn something from it. And we learned alot from it.

We learned that we are all - all four of us - stronger than we ever thought we were. We learned that our family is strong and whole and complete. We learned that we don't have to suffer everything alone, that our friends and family need to help out in times of crisis - and that we need to let them. We learned that we have amazing friends. AMAZING friends. Friends who think nothing of dropping off dinner, soup, muffins, cookies, flowers, shoulders to cry on. Friends who think nothing of dropping whatever is happening in their lives and hop on a plane to just lay in bed with you and hold you as you cry. Friends who take down your Christmas tree and remind you to get out of bed and take a shower. Friends who come to your house and act like it is their own - friends who clean and organize for you and make you dinners and put them in your freezer. Friends who remember to call you every month on the anniversary to check on you. We learned that while time doesn't really heal all wounds, it certainly does soften their raw, jaggedy edges and dull the pain. We learned that we can survive. 

So as we bid this year a FOND farewell - we have so many people we need to thank. Far too many to name, but they know who they are. We want to thank everyone who helped us this year. Whether you sent a card, stopped in, made a meal, said a prayer - we thank you. Thank you to the friends who let us cry, who let us get it out. Thank you to the friends who knew when we needed "normal" and shared their "normal" daily struggles and treated us like the people we were before January 2nd. Thank you to the ladies who would go out to lunch with me when I didn't know if I was coming or going. All they knew was that I HAD to get out of bed and get dressed, and they suffered through several depressing meals with me to be sure that I got up and showered for the day. Thank you to the wonderful teachers and guidance counselors who helped our children proccess their grief and helped us help Jack and Bella. Thank you to our beautiful neighbors who named a star in the sky for our beautiful boy. Jack still takes his telescope out onto the deck and searches for Aiden in heaven. What a wonderful gift - a million thanks. Thank you to the people who said "I just don't know what to say" - there was nothing to say - but you reached out, and that was enough. Everyone who came into our lives that terrible week was a Godsend. From the doctors and nurses at the hospital, to the funeral director to the florist - they were all  amazing. They knew just what to say and do to make an unbearable time tolerable.

Most of all we want to thank our families. What they did for us and continue to do for us is amazing and way above and beyond the call of duty. To Sookie and Bill, Fifi and Hermione - the family we chose- no words can ever express our gratitude. Not just for what you guys did that awful week, but for what you continue to do for us as we continue on our journey of healing.

So, as we look forward to a much HAPPIER and HEALTHIER 2012 - Busy Momma and crew wishes everyone a safe and happy New Year. We hope that everyone reading this post experiences the love and the blessings of friendship that they have expressed to us this past year.