One Busy Momma!: You know you're a FREAK when...

Well hey Peeps - Busy Momma has some HUGE News - like seriously HUGE news. Maybe....
OK - so here's the back story. I was looking at Twitter the other day during my lunch break. I have what quite possibly could be the geekiest twitter feed ever. (Um - I get tweets from every book publisher and from Harry Potter sites. Yup - told ya - GEEKY Twitter feed.) So anyway - the Dr. Oz show sent out a tweet that they were looking for people who had "extreme food aversions". Hmmmmmmmmmm.....

OK - if you know me - you know that I have 2 somewhat weird food aversions. I hate raw tomatoes and I DESPISE bananas.

I cannot STAND bananas. I cannot stand the way they taste or smell. I cannot eat anything with banana in it. Many, many people have tried to "trick" me into eating something with banana hidden in it. Many have haughtily claimed that I would NEVER taste the banana in the ____ (fill in the blank) that THEY make. And they have ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS been wrong. I must be a super taster or something because I can taste banana in ANYTHING. Let me prove my point - one day PC went to the grocery store and bought a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk and a bunch of bananas. When he got home, he put the milk in the fridge, but for some reason, he left the bananas and the bread in the bag together. When I pulled them out, I put the bananas in the fruit basket and the bread in the bread basket. Fast forward to the next day. I opened the bread to make a sandwich - took a bite and gagged. WHY???? Because the BREAD tasted and SMELLED like............

We had to THROW OUT THE ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD. It was infected with the awful stench and flavor of banana. IS this freakish - yes. I realize that this is a freakish food aversion. "Everyone" loves bananas. Yep - I know. But I really don't care. I'll gladly let my freak flag fly. I will NEVER EVER EVER eat a banana. Which leads me right back to Dr. Oz....

So - when I read the tweet - I HAD to respond. I mean if anyone belongs on this show - it's me, right? So I write back and explain my banana aversion.I get back to work and about an hour later - guess who emails me???????

Oh yes my friends - I shit you not.

Well - OK, it was Greg from Dr. Oz show - not Mehmet himself. But still - pretty freaking impressive - right? They want me to come to NEW YORK on Wednesday, October 30th to be a guest on the show! In the email, my new best friend Greg asks for some basic info - like my name, my age, my address and phone number. He told me that I had to report to the studio by 10:30 am and that I'd be done by 2:30pm. . He also asked if I had any questions. Now, all I really need to know is: are they planning on feeding me lunch and can Fifi come with me. Because there is NO way that I am making my network television debut without my Fifi by my side. But then I realized that I had one more REALLY PRESSING question. Dr. Oz isn't silly enough to try to TRICK me into eating something with banana in it, right? I mean he wouldn't be that ballsy - right? I wrote in and told the banana infecting the bread story. They wouldn't try to "cure" me of my freakish banana aversion by trying to get me to eat something with banana in it? Because if he did....

Seriously. Ain't nobody got time for that......

So - I decide that I'm not really in a position to make too many demands of Mehmet and his Peeps. So, I decide that I won't demand lunch and that Fifi and I will just show up as the dynamic duo that we are. What are they going to do? Would they tell Oprah that she couldn't bring Gayle? Yeah - I don't think so. But I absolutely cannot risk the whole "hidden banana" risk. (See image above) So, I write back to my future ex husband Greg and tell him that I'd be THRILLED to spend the day with Dr. Oz and crew - all they'd have to do is guarantee that they won't trick me into eating any banana, banana product or food stuff with banana as an ingredient. Basically, they would need to pretend that I have a life threatening banana allergy. Not that I DO - but we'll just act "As IF" and we'll have a lovely day. I EVEN promised Greg that I would be witty, charming and elicit plenty of laughs. All I would need in return is a signed document agreeing to my terms and a really good spot in the audience for Fifi,( guaranteeing maximum camera exposure) and that it would be really great if Fifi could be on the show as well. Perhaps to testify that ever since I was a little girl I have had this weird banana aversion.

I really felt that these were very basic terms and that meeting them would be pretty easy. I mean it's not like I'm a member of the Rolling Stones and I'm demanding Cristal in my dressing room. I'm not even requesting a dressing room - OR a makeup person. I know - right? (Fifi and I will deal with my makeup. We've been doing it since we were 12 - we're pretty good at it by now.) SO - guess what Greg said???

Yup...no response yet.

Greg - who just 24 hours ago was my new BFF - making plans for me to come to his big, important studio and be on his big, important TV show is now ignoring me. ME - Busy Momma herself! The Gall! The AUDACITY!!! The BALLS on this guy! Who else did they find as freaky as me? Because let's face it - when you are looking for a true food freak - look no further Greg - she's right here! God handed you a gift, Greg. A gift in the form of Busy Momma. And you, Sir, YOU have chosen to ignore that gift of full-on food freakishness. And you have apparently chosen to pass on this little piece of professional heaven. Greg - I could have been your Emmy, my friend. You could have had that golden statue in your hands next year all because of me. But maybe you don't want an Emmy. Maybe you don't need one. That's cool. Maybe you already have SOOOOOO many Emmys that one more would just push you over the edge and you'd have to buy a new curio cabinet to hold all of your Emmys. Who needs that hassle? No - good choice Greg. Why host a TRUE food freak when you could have someone who is afraid of eating - oh who knows - pretzels. Or Oroes. Or Saltine crackers. That will make for interesting, MUST SEE TV.

Good luck with that GREG!

So - what does this mean for Busy Momma? Well - for now - I am thinking that this Busy Momma is probably un-invited from being on Wednesday's Dr. Oz show. Rude, Rude, Rude! What is a girl to do? Who should I call? Who will listen to me and make it all ok?