Welcome to One Busy Momma! The Blog for Busy Moms by one Busy Mom.....

Welcome to my blog. One Busy Momma is my space to rant about my life and the things that happen in it. I have a crazy life - and instead of focusing on the crazy - I like to focus on the funny. Because if I focused on the craziness - well, I'd have been shipped off to an institution long, long ago. And while, I'll admit, there are some days when being institutionalized sounds PRETTY GOOD compared to making ANOTHER diorama at 1am - I'd rather be right where I am - in my messy house with my not so perfect kids making crooked dioramas in the middle of the night.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

An Ode to Moms Who Do Too Much.....and Make the Bull Roast Art Project

Ok - well maybe not an "ode" - because right now, I'm not quite sure what an "ode" is. I'm thinking it's some sort of poem that praises the subject. I'm too tired to rhyme or reason. Here is what I am doing right now - right this very second: while writing this post, I am doing a load of laundry, letting a gigantic planter that I've just painted for a school project dry, working with Bella on her Social Studies test prep. cooking dinner, answering work emails AND trying to get into a work website that appears to be malfunctioning. Literally. Seriously - all at the same time. And I wonder why I am so tired at night and fall asleep before 9pm!

And here is the sad part - even while doing those 7 activities - I STILL have at least 10 more on my "To-Do" list. I can never seem to get it all done. And I really wonder about the people who ARE able to get it all done. There is an evil, awful part of me that really likes to think that people who live in perfectly kept houses, who wear perfectly pressed clothing, who hand in every school assignment in perfect handwriting, who have perfect nails and perfectly clean cars - are really maladjusted, dysfunctional human beings who don't sleep and clean and iron all night long. These people, in my estimation, have terribly unhappy lives and produce unhappy, stressed out kids who have perfection complexes because their home always has to be PERFECT. I like to think that these people, who wear perfectly plastered smiles all of the time and who are always "GREAT" are really screaming banchies who yell at their kids every time they drop a kernel of popcorn on the rug - think Kate Gosslein.

But that's petty of me. I'm really just terribly jealous of these people who manage to have full time careers and still seem to have it all together. Do they really have it all together? Is the upstairs of their house as perfect and tidy as the downstairs parts that they let everyone see? Or does their bedroom or guestroom look like a pit of chaos? WHERE does the chaos LIVE in their homes??????? Are they really as perfect as they seem? Probably not - at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I have a really good friend - we'll call her Hermione - who is very similar to me in the "she does waaaay too much" category of life. And I wonder why we are the way we are. For example, this is the busiest season of the year for me, professionally. On any given night - I might be away in a hotel, or driving 200 miles - one way - to get to a client and then driving home - in the dark. And then getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to do it all again. I know what this time of year is like in my business - I've been in this industry for 10+ years. It's no surprise. What IS a surprise, however, is my absolute WILLINGNESS to volunteer for PROJECTS at Bella or Jack's school that require serious TIME, EFFORT, ENERGY and THOUGHT during this 8 week period! I'm not talking chaperoning a field trip here (which, of course I'm doing)- I'm talking coordinating and MAKING the class Bull Roast Art project.

What is a Bull Roast Art project you ask? Well, it is only one of the most coveted and sought after item at the biggest fund raiser of the school year. You see, every year, our school hosts a Bull Roast. (A dinner/dance and silent/live auction) It is one of the big money makers for the school. While feasting on oysters, pit beef and ham and getting pretty drunk, people walk around and silently bid on donated items. Now, my kids go to a pretty nice school - so we're not taking scented candles and hand lotion here. We're talking Coach bags, Vera Bradley accessories, Lilly Pulitzer jackets and clothing, hot air balloon rides, ski packages and what have you. (One year there was a STRIPPER POLE and STRIPPER SHOES for auction. Seriously. And I didn't win them despite my ridiculous, drunken bid. Boy was PC upset over that one. But i digress...) Anyway - in addition to these great silent auction items, there are "class bull roast art projects" that are auctioned off. And these particular items can go for BIG, BIG bucks. I've seen them go for THOUSANDS of dollars - for real. The class projects usually feature something that the boys and girls in your kid's class make. Some classes do big serving platters with the kid's thumbprints or handprints on them. Some classes make scrapbooks of their year together. Some classes make mosaic mirrors. And then there are the "over-the-top awesome" projects that bring in the big-ass bucks. Like the homemade puppet theater complete with handmade puppets that one class "made". Or the handmade hope chest that featured professional artwork on the outside and pictures of each child decoupaged on the inside cover - complete with their favorite memories of that year written on the inside of the perfectly, professionally varnished chest. Let's not forget the beautiful, handpainted Adirondack chairs with the school's mascott expertly painted onto the chair with each kid's name written on the back. One mom from each class signs up to take charge of this project at the beginning of the school year. Guess who does it for Bella's class every year? Yep - me. And what type of project do you think I hand in?

If you think I hand in a sad, sorry-assed project that is lucky if it brings in $25.00 - stop reading my blog you a-hole. No way, Jose - no lame-assed projects for me. My motto is GO BIG OR GO HOME - BITCH. I go for the gold. I push myself to craft the biggest money-maker year after year. (Now - NEVER, EVER has my project made the most money - but I do try.) I am so damned competitive - I even bid the damn thing up myself if I think it's going for too low of a price. Yes - I am THAT lady. Why? you ask? Good question. It's not like anyone says" "Wow that's the nicest birdbath I've ever seen, Mary! Can I commission you to make 100 of them - at 100K a pop?" No, it's all about ME. My competition with - I don't know who - Martha Stewart maybe? Isn't it NUTSO? I am a crazy, insane person to torture myself like this year after year.

So, here I am tonight- painting a big planter that I'm going to embellish with fingerprint bugs and animals made by the boys and girls. Then I will write some sort of song lyric or verse around the edge and then I will spray the whole thing with some sort of polyurethane and hand it in and watch it all night long to see how much it goes for - and if another 3rd grade project sells for more. And GOD help me if it does. That will just toast my freaking onions. And while I'd like to say that I do it all for my kids - let's get real here. My kids don't care if I ever do the stupid Bull Roast project. I do it for me - for the sick satisfaction I get from my project going for at least $100.00. I need therapy - I know it.

So, tonight while painting said planter, I'll trying to catch up on laundry, review Social Studies, multiplication facts, do Jack's homework with him, clean up from the dinner I cooked...all so that I can sit down and rework the household budget after the kids have showers and go to bed. If I finish that - there is always the yard sale I want to plan, the basement I want to clean, the desk I really need to clean, the kitchen cabinet that I really want to clean out.......and on and on and on.

And PC wonders why I aske for a nice medically induced coma for Mother's Day every year.....

1 comment:

  1. You are so funny! You'll have to let us know how much the planter sells for!!!