Welcome to One Busy Momma! The Blog for Busy Moms by one Busy Mom.....

Welcome to my blog. One Busy Momma is my space to rant about my life and the things that happen in it. I have a crazy life - and instead of focusing on the crazy - I like to focus on the funny. Because if I focused on the craziness - well, I'd have been shipped off to an institution long, long ago. And while, I'll admit, there are some days when being institutionalized sounds PRETTY GOOD compared to making ANOTHER diorama at 1am - I'd rather be right where I am - in my messy house with my not so perfect kids making crooked dioramas in the middle of the night.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Reflections on the Recent Visit to The House of Mouse

Hey Peeps - well, I guess we all survived the Rapture. Damn it - I was really hoping to score big in the "Post-Rapture" looting too. Oh well - I guess we will all have to wait until October.

Ok - so as many of you know, Busy Momma and her crew just returned from the "Happiest Place on Earth" - aka Walt Disney World. And our trip was SPECTACULAR!!! We had a WONDERFUL time. And although PC and I returned quite exhausted -and in need of a vacation from our vacation - all in all it was just what the doctor ordered for our little family. We were able to do all of the "big kid stuff" that we couldn't do last time - The Tower of Terror, The Rockin Roller Coaster, Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Mission Space...and all of the other vomit-inducing attractions that we all find thrilling. We saw the Hoop-De-Doo Revue at Fort Wilderness, The Spirit of Hawaii Luau at The Polynesian, we actually saw the fireworks at every park, swam at the hotel when the parks shut down - fun was had by all.

And because the kids are older and were able to entertain and take care of themselves - PC and I were able to notice different things on this trip. Things that never registered when the kids were little. On our first trip to the House of Mouse we were so focused on getting the stroller on and off the bus and not loosing either kid, that we really didn't pay attention to anything happening around us. But this time, we did...and we made some very interesting observations.

First of all, we noticed that Disney visitors, by and large fall into one of four categories:

1. Dapper Dan and family: Dapper Dan is married to Preppy Polly. These people arrive at the park dressed to the nines. He is wearing a polo shirt, either with a Brooks Brothers logo, or a polo pony on the front. He is also wearing either madras plaid shorts, dark pink , navy blue or light green shorts. His hair is what PC would call "Movie Star Hair" - lush, well cut and just beautiful.He covers said movie star hair with a baseball cap or sun visor that tastefully advertises a country club or a golf course. His wife, Preppy Polly is dressed as if she is going golfing herself.She might be wearing a sundress and she will NOT be wearing protective spanx underneath so that her inner thighs don't rub together...because- the bitch's thighs don't EVER rub together.  'Nuff said. Their children are what I like to call "Bow Heads". They either have 2 perfect little girls in hand-smocked, matching outfits and these tow-headed angels are sporting BIG matching bows in their PERFECTLY coiffed and cut hair. OR - should they have spawned a boy - he is a miniature version of his Dad. These people would NEVER allow their kids to wear Phineas and Ferb Tee shirts, their kids NEVER spill ice cream or pizza sauce on their clothes and they NEVER, EVER misbehave in public.  We HATE these people.

2. Whole Hog Hanna and family: It is VERY easy to spot Whole Hog Hanna. She is accompanied by the little girl in full Disney Princess regalia, FULL makeup, hair, manicured nails AND this little girl is wearing a sash - Miss America style - that says "Bippitty Bopiddy Boutique".   Now, what seperates Whole Hog Hanna from your average bear - you know, the mom who wanted her kid to have a FUN experience is this: Whole Hog Hanna FORCES her child to walk around ALL DAY in 90 degree Florida heat, in the itchy princess dress and full make up. She then YELLS and SCREAMS at her "little princess" when the child collapses in a heat-stroke induced temper tantrum.

3. Patty Planner and family: (OK - in the interest of full disclosure - I am a Patty Planner) Patty Planner is the mom who read and researched EVERY POSSIBLE fun fact about Disney for MONTHS before her trip. She has MULTIPLE dinner reservations made for each night, has MULTIPLE schedules mapped out for each day and has planned for every possible contingency known to man and beast. She knows which attraction to hit first at each park, she knows when to fast pass which rides, she even knows that Tom Sawyer leaves a certain number of paint brushes on Tom Sawyer Island AND if you are there early enough to FIND one of these paint brushes and turn it into a cast member - you will receive a fast pass for one of the attractions in Adventure Land. (Oh yes - I am THAT good y'all.) Her children call her backpack a "Magic Carpetbag" because it contains a first aid kit, maps of each park, rain slickers for each member of the family, extra socks, an umbrella, blister stick, anti bacterial wipes, sunscreen, lip balm, bug spray, Pepto, Immodium, Advil AND an extra tee shirt incase of unattractive spills.

4. Kenny the Cop and crew: (First of all - Kenny the cop is interchangeable with Frank the Firefighter.) Kenny is also VERY easy to spot. Kenny is always wearing a tee shirt that proudly displays his profession - it might have his division or unit number, firehouse number - something that says loud and proud: "I am a cop/firefighter". Oh - and Kenny is ALWAYS from New York or North Jersey. Kenny is also always pushing a stroller and wrangling a gaggle of kids. Kenny is the NICEST guy you'd EVER want to meet. He will strike up a conversation with you as you both are waiting in line at the Buzz Lightyear Mega Spinny Ridiculously Long Lined attraction. He will give you tips on how to get really wet on the rapids ride at Animal Kingdom, or when the best time to ride the Yetti ride might be. He has all of the inside info on where the best place is to sit on the parade route or where the fireworks are best viewed. His kids are always carrying some sort of weapon - a sword, a light saber - and it always lights up or flashes. (No kidding - this fact is true about 98% of the time.) In short, PC and I hope to ride the monorail with Kenny and crew because we know: a. we will be safe and b. we will probably have a nice conversation with a cool guy.

Here is the other thing we REALLY noticed this time around: Disney World is one hell of a well run machine. Not that that fact is earth-shattering - but Holy Heck. That place is SO well run - we were SHOCKED to hear a semi-cranky word from a cast member on the last day of our visit. And I mean SHOCKED - like mouths open, eyes wide because someone said "Excuse me but I'm talking here" because everyone in the room was YELLING while this guy was trying to explain where we were all to go and what we were to do in a moment or so. By our reaction - you would have thought that this guy had just recited a Chris Rock monlogue at a preschool graduation. 

We NEVER saw a piece of litter - ANYWHERE - ever. Every "cast member" was smiling - all of the time. Every request was granted. I think if I walked into the lobby at 2am and asked for a porcupine on a stick, dipped in gold and covered in rainbow sprinkles, someone at The Wilderness Lodge would have found it, wrapped it in Mickey Mouse tissue paper and delivered it to my room on a silver platter. And then apologized for not having it sooner for me. No kidding. I have NEVER, EVER felt like I got what I paid for on any other vacation. This time I did - I really did.

So - here is my goal...I'd really like my LIFE to run like a Disney vacation. No stress, every wish granted, no request too big, too complicated...all in all I'd like to LIVE in "The Happiest Place on Earth."

Then again...I guess if EVERY day was like that we would never appreciate the REAL Magic of Disney - would we?


  1. I love you Mary LaRu! youa speaka da truth and make me laugh every time!! Our kids were not old enough to do the thrill rides when we went, which is good cause we're too scared to do them anyway. But.....we had the time of our lives. There is no false advertising when they say they most Magical place on Earth. XOXOXO Keep writing sister!!!

  2. Thanks Jenni! And you guys MUST try the Rockin Roller Coaster...it's DEMENTED!

  3. I'm so happy you guys had a great time! We missed y'all! Glad you're home safe. :>)