Welcome to One Busy Momma! The Blog for Busy Moms by one Busy Mom.....

Welcome to my blog. One Busy Momma is my space to rant about my life and the things that happen in it. I have a crazy life - and instead of focusing on the crazy - I like to focus on the funny. Because if I focused on the craziness - well, I'd have been shipped off to an institution long, long ago. And while, I'll admit, there are some days when being institutionalized sounds PRETTY GOOD compared to making ANOTHER diorama at 1am - I'd rather be right where I am - in my messy house with my not so perfect kids making crooked dioramas in the middle of the night.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile!

Hi Peeps! Happy Sunday...it's been a LOOOOONG week over here in Busy Momma land. But I am happy to report that it looks like smooth sailing for the week ahead. I have several projects lined up for this weekend - first and foremost on the list? Dressing Jack for his 1st Communion. Which is in 2 short weeks. Now, those of you who have gone through this process with daughters are probably AGAHST that I waited until 2 weeks before the big event to shop for his outfit.

 I remember going shopping with Bella for her 1st Communion dress MONTHS before the event - trying on several options in several different stores before we finally selected the perfect dress and veil. I remember planning out which specialty boutiques we'd visit, where we'd have lunch and really looking forward to that shopping day as a special mother/daughter day. And it was. 

I wasn't expecting to repeat the experience with Jack. I had no expectations and no grandiose plans. And that turned out to be a VERY good thing - because the day was really much less about "bonding" and creating a shared, lasting memory than it was about "getting her done".  As quickly and painlessly as possible.

I did TRY to create a nice experience - I really did. I enlisted the help of my mother. She agreed to come with us, and I will admit - I think she really was hoping to create a lasting memory. And she did - only it wasn't quite what she was expecting. So, we started our shopping adventure by telling Jack that we would go out for lunch at a restaurant of his choosing. That went over pretty well. Once he was stuffed full of crispy noodles and pork lo-mein - the adventure began. I decided to start out locally. I figured that Macy's would probably have a nice variety of suits and blazers and dress pants and that we could probably wrap up this whole adventure in about 30 minutes. Oh - how misguided I was...

Jack, for those of you who don't know him, is on the slim side. (Cannot IMAGINE how THAT happened!) So even though he is 8 years old - he is JUST starting to fit into a size 7 pant. Macy's had a grand total of 2 suits for him to try on. One black suit that Nanny and I quickly agreed was more suited to a mini-mortician than to an 8-year old boy. Plus the jacket was a bit too small. The other suit had promise - it was a light grey pinstriped Nautica number - Size 8. Hmmm - questionable. I tried the jacket on him, and it fit pretty well - but I was worried about the pants. So I said: "OK Buds, let's go and try these pants on."

Now, by the look on my boy's face, you would have thought I said something like: "Let's go and peel all of your skin off, eat these pants for a snack and let all of the bossy girls in your class come in and give their opinions on the outfit." because the expression on his face was one of complete revulsion, confusion and aggravation.

"WHAT?" he sighed. "Try them ON? What do you mean? Where?"

"In the dressing room Bud - right over there."

"WHY do I have to try them on - they're fine Mom."

"Well, I'm not so sure, I think they might be a bit too big and I don't want to buy the suit if the pants don't fit - so we have to try them on."

So off we went into the DREADED dressing room wherein Jack sighed and bitched and moaned as he kicked off his sneakers, pulled off his sweat pants and stepped into the suit pants - which, unfortunately, were WAAAY too big. So big, in fact, that they fell down and even when pulled up - they made him look like a clown. His reaction?

"See - I told you they are FINE."

No joke - they would NOT stay up around his waist...but he was perfectly willing to pull the trigger and buy this puppy if it meant getting out of this dressing room.

"JACK! Look at these pants!" (I let go of the waistband and predictably, they fall down to his ankles.) "You call this ok? They are way too big."

"They are fine Mom - I'll just hold them up like this." And he pulls them up and holds them in a WAD with one hand. "Can we just go home? The NFL Draft is on and I need to talk to Poppy and Uncle John!"

This was just too much for me to process and I found myself SCREACHING:

"JACK! I am trying to make you look nice for your First Holy Communion! You look like a hobo clown in these pants! Can't you try to look nice for Jesus??? Just for ONE HOUR of your life?? Is that too much to ask for the LITTLE BABY JESUS???" And I think I threw some "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD"s in there for good measure - but I can't be sure.

And then came that really awful moment when you realize that you are yelling - really loudly - like a Real Housewife of NJ- in a public place. About looking nice for Jesus. And I was embarrased - I truly was. So I calmed myself down and stripped the suit off of my boy and told him to get dressed. And, as I made my way out of the dressing room - expecting to see other mothers looking at me and shaking their heads in disgust....I heard the most lovliest sound I could have EVER heard at that very moment.

Another mother and son duo were blocking my exit from the dressing room to the boy's department. And they were having a similar conversation. The boy looked to be about 11 or 12. Mom had a few blazers, a few pairs of pants and what looked like a suit or two on hangers falling from her arms. Her face looked alot like mine did at the moment- red, distressed, bewildered and frustrated. Here is a rough transcript of THEIR conversation:

Boy: "I don't CARE what I look like Mom - I just don't Care." (And try to imagine the word care being dragged and whined out as a 3-year old girl in a full-on temper tantrum would be enunciating it...)

Mom: speaking in a very fast and clipped tone "Oh I KNOW that you don't care. EVERYONE knows that you don't care what you look like!" at this point, Mom's voice is becomming higher pitched, louder and is really bordering on nervous breakdown sound quality...
"So guess what? Guess what? You know WHAT? I don't care EITHER! I DON"T CARE EITHER! I REALLY REALLY DON'T CARE!"

Now - picture this: Mom is WILD eyed, literally ranting and raving and this boy is now painfully aware of what Mom is not - every shopper in the vicinity - in the boy's department, in the girl's department, in the layette department, in the lingerie department and in housewares - has stopped shopping to watch the floor show! Mom gets RIGHT up in his face - RIGHT in his grill - and says:

"SO go right ahead - graduate from Middle School in basketball shorts and a tee shirt. See if I care. See if I care because I don't! I don't care." And she DROPS all of the clothing onto the floor and walks out of the boy's department towards the door - talking TO HERSELF the entire way out! Saying:

"Oh I do NOT care. I could care less what you look like. You wanna look like a slob then a SLOB it is! Why should graduation be ANY different than ANY OTHER GOD DAMNED DAY IN YOUR LIFE. Oh I do not care no I do not!" And into the parking lot she went. And her son and daughter stood watching her go - simultaneously mezmerized, terrified and humiliated. And here is the best part - the daughter - who was definitely older than the son - looks at her brother and goes:

"Oh my God. I think you have done it. You LITERALLY just drove Mommy crazy. You pushed her right over the edge. I hope you are happy now because we are FU&#ED ."

And out she went- leaving this poor boy to just look at the pile of clothing at his feet, look at the rest of us who were all looking at him. He quietly stepped over the pile of discarded suits and headed for the door, while looking down at the floor.


 I felt SO much better - and here is the best part - Jack came out of the dressing room RIGHT as the mom was getting all up in the kid's face. And when the yelling was over and the family had left the building - a look passed between Jack and I. And in that one moment - that look was all he needed to communicate EXACTLY what he was feeling - which was:

OK. I give up. I surrender. I will accompany you to The Pied Piper in the Village of Cross Keys where I will once again have to strip down and try on suits. But I will do this without a word of complaint in exchange for your promise NEVER to do that to me in public Lady. Do we have a deal?

And my cat-who-ate-the-canary grin was the perfect response.

 So I would like to take this opportunity to thank "Bat-Shit-Crazy-Macy's-Lady" (as she will forever be remembered) for buying me 2 more COMPLAINT-FREE hours of suit, shoe AND neck tie shopping at not ONE but TWO separate stores.

I am forever in your debt.


  1. Um, spellcheck anyone?

    1. Hi Anonymous!

      I'm so thrilled that you're reading my blog - apparently with a magnifying glass! I admit - I am a TERRIBLE speller and blogger doesn't offer Spell Check! Unfortunately, I am a bit too busy to re-read my post more than 2 or 3 times before I post it. I catch most of my spelling/typing errors - but not every single error - as apparently you well know! I'd love to know who you actually are - so next time you respond to my post - let me know who you actually are! Thanks so much once again for reading the blog!
      Lots of love:
      Busy Momma and crew